Blog Archive

Life Is What You Make Out Of It


  • The power to succeed or fail is yours alone.
  • You alone have the responsibility to shape your life.
  • Nothing and no one can deny you greatness once you understand this.
  • There's no one on earth to stop you but yourself.
  • No one on earth can cheat you out of ultimate success but you.
  • More powerful than all the success slogans ever written is the realization that everyone has but one boss on earth.
  • That boss is you.
  • Picture yourself vividly as winning, and that alone will contribute immeasurably to success

 

M Junaid Tahir

Read my blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

 

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Story: Glass, Lake and Salt

 
The old Master instructed the unhappy young man to put a handful of salt in a glass of water and then to drink it. "How does it taste?" the Master asked. "Not good at all," spat the apprentice.

The Master chuckled and then asked the young man to take another handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and when the apprentice swirled his handful of salt into the lake, the old man said, "Now drink from the lake."

As the water dripped down the young man's chin, the Master asked, "How does it taste?" "Good!" remarked the apprentice. "Do you taste the salt?" asked the Master. "No," said the young man.

The Master sat beside this troubled young man, took his hands, and said, "The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains the same, exactly the same. But the amount we taste the 'pain' depends on the container we put it into. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things..... Stop being a glass.  Become a lake!" 

Great Tips for Improving Your Life

Dr. Randy Pausch died of pancreatic cancer in 2008, but wrote a book 'The last lecture" before then, one of the bestsellers in 2007. What a legacy to leave behind…
In a letter to his wife Jai and his children, Dylan, Logan , and Chloe, he wrote this beautiful "guide to a better life" for his wife and children to follow. May you be blessed by his insight.

 

 

 

Personality:
1. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
2. Don't have negative thoughts of things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment
3. Don't over-do; keep your limits
4. Don't take yourself so seriously; no one else does
5. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip
6. Dream more while you are awake
7. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need..
8. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner of his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
9. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present
11. No one is in charge of your happiness except you
12. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn.  Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
13. Smile and laugh more
14. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

 

Community:
15. Call your family often
16. Each day give something good to others
17. Forgive everyone for everything
18. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6
19. Try to make at least three people smile each day
20. What other people think of you is none of your business
21. Your job will not take care of you when you are sick. Your family and friends will. Stay in touch.

 

 

Life:
22. Put GOD first in anything and everything that you think, say and do.
23. GOD heals everything
24. Do the right things
25. Whatever good or bad a situation is, it will change
26. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up
27. The best is yet to come
28. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful
29. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it
30. If you know GOD you will always be happy. So, be happy.

 

 

While you practice all of the above, share this knowledge with the people you love, people you school with,
people you play with, people you work with and people you live with.
Not only will it enrich YOUR life, but also that of those around you

 

Source: Unknwon

 

 

4 Tips for Creative Thinking for Leaders



Creative thinking is thinking that looks way past the obvious. In creative thinking you look for things that at first are not so evident.
As usual, you might be wondering what does this have to do with Leadership? A lot!!! Leaders recognize and understand the importance of creativity in their environments. Great leaders nurture and foster creativity in their teams. That's why it's so important that leaders are creative themselves.

In the book Organizing Genius by Warren Bennis there's a quote that took my attention:
Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask a creative person how they did something, they may feel a little guilty because they didn't really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after awhile. That's because they were able to connect experiences they've had and synthesize new things. And the reason they were able to do that was that they've had more experiences or have thought more about their experiences than other people have.
–Steve Jobs

How to Become a Creative Thinker
Here is a list of skills you should work with to help you develop creative thinking:
1. Look at things from different perspectives. If you can look at a key, for example, and see it as something more than something to open doors with, then you are on your way to creative thinking. Play with the idea for a while, and you will find many uses for the key.
2. Look for improvements. If you can recognize things that are not quite perfect or that have the potential to be better, then you can be a creative thinker.
3. Be Persistent. Sometimes you need to weed through piles of information to get to the good stuff. If you can easily take a bunch of nonsense and make some sense out of it, then you're on your way to become a creative thinker. Bear in mind that creative thinking involves a lot of nonsense, don't feel too awkward about it. Being able to get to the heart of things is a true creative skill.
4. Stay committed. Creativity requires a lot of commitment. If you are the type of person who can commit to something and who does not give up, then you are a prime candidate to be a creative thinker.
I'm sure you have some of the skills of a creative thinker. Recognize that, but best of all, share that, share your
abilities with the rest of the world, and work on the one you lack of.
Leadership Actions
Practice every day all four actions to become more creative. YOU ARE CREATIVE, you need to practice that's all!!
Remember, Be Alert, Be A Leader

Some Tips To Make It Happen


 To solve a problem or to reach your goal, you don't need to know all the answers in advance.
But you must have a clear idea of the problem or the goal you want to reach.
All you have to do is know where you're going.
The answers will come to you of their own accord.
Don't procrastinate when faced with a big difficult problem, break the problem into parts, and handle one part at a time. Remember, the Impossible can always be broken down in to possibilities.
If you can get up the courage to begin, you have the courage to succeed.
It's the job you never start that takes the longest to finish.
Don't worry about what lies dimly at a distance, but do what lies clearly ahead.
Your biggest opportunity is where you are right now.
When you begin you are half done.

How to Develop Good Habits And Get Rid of Bad Ones





I often emphasize on the concept that our thoughts give birth to our actions; our repeated actions develop our habits; our habits transform our character and our character leads us to our destiny. I am writing article to focus on the Habit part in general and Habit Development Process in particular.

In my opinion, there are four major influential factors which are the baseline of our Habits Development Process. These are:
a)    The way of Brought up
b)   Education & Vision
c)    Interests
d)   Social Circle

All these factors influence us with different weight at different phases of our life. However, all of our habits are more or less linked back with one (or more) of these four factors.

Let us learn how to develop new habits, how to improve existing good habits and how to get rid of bad habits.  Article by Junaid.Tahir

Strengthening Existing Habits:
When it comes to strengthening of any habit you need encouragement and feedback from others. So ask for the feedback from your closed ones. Sometimes you need self encouragement to keep the spirit high. So, if you are good at something, you need to tell it to yourself quite often so that this can give you inner confidence to strengthen that habit. For example, if you give charity sometimes but you want to make the habit of giving 5% of your salary each month then you need to encourage yourself several times in a month until you develop this habit in a concrete manner. Article written by Junaid.Tahir

Shunning Bad Habits:
If you have a bad habit such as being extravagant, being reactive or short tempered or a smoker then you need to start the mind purification process. When your mind is free from impurities, it starts working on fruitful things. You need to stay away from such companies where you mind is being polluted. For example, if you have the habit of leg pulling, back biting then you really need to work on your surroundings (closed friends, negative acquaintances, polluted souls etc) which are triggering your habit. So Once you have a clean company then you can concentrate on how to improve your personality. You need to list down the side effects of your bad habits and memorize them and repeat them on daily basis. Commitment, Focus and Self-motivation are the keys in getting rid of your bad habits.

Developing New Habits:
As mentioned above, concentrate on the four aspects for the development of new habits. You can study books in your domain, study the characteristics of highly effective people, observe your mentors closely. Self encouragement is equally important.  

If you would like to understand the thought process then click here or here or here.
what are your thoughts on improving your habits and getting rid of bad ones?


0040-mjunaidtahir-paradigmwisdom-01May12- How to Develop Good Habits And Get Rid of Bad Ones


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M Junaid Tahir

Read my blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

Story of Socrates - Triple Filter



In ancient Greece, Socrates was reputed to hold knowledge in high esteem. One day an acquaintance met the great philosopher and said, "Do you know what I just heard about your friend?"

"Hold on a minute," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test."

"Triple filter?"

"That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my friend, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. That's why I call it the triple filter test.
The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?"

"No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and."

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my friend something good?"

"No, on the contrary..."

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my friend going to be useful to me?"

"No not really …"

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?"

This is why Socrates was a great philosopher & held in such high esteem

Quote of the day


A man of confidence appreciates the success of the others and shares his happiness with them.

 

Whereas a man of ego discourages and humiliates others and feels jealous of the success of others


 

M Junaid Tahir

Read my blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

 

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Story: Stop being Judgmental

A doctor entered the hospital in hurry after being called in for an urgent surgery. He answered the call ASAP, changed his clothes and went directly to the surgery block.
He found the boy's father going and coming in the hall waiting for the doctor. Once seeing him, the dad yelled:
"Why did you take all this time to come? Don't you know that my son's life is in danger? Don't you have the sense of responsibility?"

The doctor smiled and said:
"I am sorry, I wasn't in the hospital and I came the fastest I could after receiving the call…… And now, I wish you'd calm down so that I can do my work"

"Calm down?! What if your son was in this room right now, would you calm down? If your own son dies now what will you do??" said the father angrily

The doctor smiled again and replied: "I will say what Job said in the Holy Bible "From dust we came and to dust we return, blessed be the name of God". Doctors cannot prolong lives. Go and intercede for your son, we will do our best by God's grace"

"Giving advice when we're not concerned is so easy" Murmured the father.

The surgery took some hours after which the doctor went out happy, "Thank God! Your son is saved!"

And without waiting for the father's reply he carried on his way running. "If you have any question, ask the nurse!!"

"Why is he so arrogant? He couldn't wait some minutes so that I ask about my son's state" Commented the father when seeing the nurse minutes after the doctor left.

The nurse answered, tears coming down her face: "His son died yesterday in a road accident, he was in the burial when we called him for your son's surgery. And now that he saved your son's life, he left running to finish his son's burial."

NEVER JUDGE ANYONE because you never know how their life is and as to what is happening or what they're going through.

How to Simplify Your Life in 10 Steps



 
Different people have different ways to spend their lives. As a result, simplifying life would carry a different meaning for each one of us.
I wouldn't be wrong if I assume that most of us want to spend time with their loved ones, do work that they really like to do, have time for hobbies, spend less time finding important stuff and just be happy. And if we are not able to accomplish most of the above, we need to look at and simplify a few things in our lives.

1. Figure Out What's Really Important

Figuring out what's really important to you, what makes you happy and what are the goals for your life is the first step towards the simplification you aim to achieve.
It's only when you know what's really important, you can prioritize your tasks accordingly and get things done without being stressed.

2. Analyze Your Current Routine

Spend a day analyzing how you have been spending your days. What is your daily routine like? Has it helped with your work? Has it helped your health? Are you able to take time out for family and friends? Have you been prioritizing tasks according to what's really important? Is the routine designed accordingly?
If any of these are out of whack, it's time to change the routine.

3. Overcome Information Overload

Although most of the information we consume every day may appear to be "life-saving" at first glance, it's actually avoidable. I've talked about tips for managing information overload and managing your RSS feeds before here at WorkAwesome.
Susan offered tips on managing email overload. Did you read and implement the steps suggested? If you haven't yet, it's time you get started with them.

4. Simplify Household Tasks

Most people don't realize that household chores, if not done productively, could easily take up a significant chunk of your time. It's important to simplify them.
What are the chores you do every day? Which of them have to be done every day? How do you organize your household in a way that it eliminates many chores? These are some questions you need to answer.

5. Get Rid of Things You Don't Use

Take a look at that old bookshelf that has piles of books gathering dust. You never read any of them twice. Heck, you didn't even read some of them once! Don't you think you are better off distributing them to someone who could benefit from reading them?
The same can be applied to your DVDs, CDs, gadgets et al. Either sell them or give them away. Simplify.

6. Don't Buy Things You Might Not Use

The reason you had that enormous collection of books or DVDs in the first place was because you bought them thinking they'd be of great help. Turns out you were wrong.
So, from now on, only buy things you are likely to use — and use often. When it comes to books and movies (unless you are a voracious reader or a movie buff) you can borrow or rent them instead of buying each new thing that comes out.

7. De-clutter and Organize Your Home & Workplace

Yes, de-clutter. De-clutter your desk, de-clutter your desktop, de-clutter your workspace. Just get started on cleaning up the mess that's surrounding you.
Make things look clean and simple around you. This is an important step in simplifying your life.

8. Go Paperless

If you look around you, most of the clutter is constituted by paper in one or form or another. So going paperless not only makes your work easier and saves you time, it also significantly reduces workspace clutter.
I understand that a few tasks need paper. But try to use latest tools and software as much as possible to get things done.

9. Delegate and Get Help

No matter how organized you are — and how easily you can get things done — if your work grows, you are bound to get overwhelmed if you are doing it all alone. And that's not just for your work, but for everything else in your life.
Delegating tasks to others who can do it better than you, collaborating with friends in various aspects of life, seeking help from someone who knows it better…all this helps to keep you sane and carry on with life without getting stressed and frustrated.

10. Disconnect Often

Last, and probably the most important step in simplifying your life – disconnect often. Disconnect from what? From anything that has you connected all day. It could be the internet for one, a cellphone for another. For someone, it might be a musical instrument which he just can't stop playing for hours.
Take a few hours off every week, and a day or two off every month from what you do every day. Stay disconnected…stay abandoned. Spend time with yourself, with something you like to do but can't find time for, with someone you love but don't have time for, with nature. Take time out and thank the universe for the life and the opportunities you've got.
http://workawesome.com/productivity/how-to-simplify-your-life/

Story: How I Became Honest


When I was in grade school I really enjoyed lying.  Not the white lies you tell your mom when you ate cookies that you weren't supposed to.  I'm talking about the elaborate lies you tell friends to make yourself appear to be better than you are.  I remember convincing my friends in 3rd grade that my father was the President of Coca Cola.  I remember convincing my friends in 5th grade that I had gone deaf in one ear.  That was a lot of fun.  As I got older, my lying continued.  I enjoyed people's reactions to my seemingly amazing life.  When I was 15 that all changed.  I met someone I really looked up to (he was 17).  He became a mentor for me as I began my foray into the astral world.  He's the one who helped me raise my vibration so the "ookie spookies" wouldn't bother me.  He's the one who put me on the path of honesty and integrity.  And he did it by hurting me so badly that I changed instantly.  Here's what happened.
In my usual fashion, I told him lies just like I had been telling other people.  I made up elaborate stories to get him to be more interested in me because I wasn't sure the truth would be enough to make him want to continue working with me.  But he knew me so well, probably better than I knew myself.  One day he told me, "I can't talk to you on the phone anymore because I can't see your eyes and so I'm not sure when you're lying to me."  That really shocked me.  One, because I didn't know he knew I had been lying to him sometimes, and two, because he was willing to end our friendship over those lies.  I vowed in that moment that I would never lie to him again.  It was a hard transition for me to make because I was used to exaggerating stories and experiences to get attention.  But for him, and for his wise counsel, I made a pact with myself never to tell even one single white lie to him again.  In time, his trust in me was rebuilt and we enjoyed a great friendship and relationship.
That's how I learned the value of honesty.  I decided that I would honor the truth.  I decided that the truth was powerful and strong, and that lies merely created a false foundation that could crumble at the slightest poking.  I realized that I felt more powerful when I told the truth.  I felt like I was helping to build reality instead of creating a false Matrix-like reality.  As Merlin said in the movie, Excalibur, to Arthur, "When a man lies, he murders some part of the world."  It's true.  Every lie you tell alters the universe and makes it unreal.

In my 20′s, I had a friend who was a pathological liar.  Her life was based on lies and the elaborateness of her lies would put my early days to shame.  We discussed honesty a lot, and I told her that I couldn't trust that she was telling me the truth since she told me so often of the lies she was telling other people.  In a way, I did to her what my mentor did to me.  I told her that I couldn't be her friend unless I knew I could trust her.  She asked me how to be honest all the time.  My answer was simple:
Never do something you will have to lie about later.  If you have to lie about it, you shouldn't be doing it.

After all, if you feel good about what you're doing, why would you lie about it?  Don't we lie when we are ashamed of who we are or what we've done? 
Make your life something you don't need to lie about.  Value truth and honesty.  Decide from this day forward that you will be completely honest and truthful in all your dealings (with others and yourself).  Imagine what our world would be like if no one lied.  Help create that world by honoring the truth

What Stress Actually Does to You and What You Can Do About It



Stress is an unpleasant fact of life. We all experience it for various reasons, and we all try to come up with ways of coping with it—some with more success than others. So what exactly is stress doing to your mind (and body) when you're staring down a deadline? And what can you do to power through it?
The real problem with stress is that, for such a well understood and universally experienced condition, as a society we deal with it so poorly that it leads to many of our most lethal illnesses and long-term health problems. High blood pressure, heart disease, cancer, stroke, obesity, and insomnia are all medical conditions across the spectrum that can be related to or directly influenced by high stress as an environmental condition.
In order to cut through some of that fog, let's take a brief look at what stress is, how it impacts us on a physical and mental level, and finally what we can do about it, with the help of some experts. Photo by bottled_void.

Defining Stress: Acute and Chronic
Everyone experiences stress in some way, shape, or form. We all recognize when we're in stressful situations, and we all know when we're stressed. At the same time, stress is more than just a feeling that we have a lot to deal with. For the purposes of our explainer, we're focusing on so-called "bad stress," as opposed to "good stress," like the kind of you experience on a roller coaster (if you went on willingly), when you get a big promotion, or kiss someone for the first time. Aside from good stress, there are primarily two types of stress: Acute (short-term) stress that's usually a response to a specific influence (called a stressor), and chronic (long-term) stress that sticks with you and could either have sprung from a short-term stress that stuck with you, or a constant state of stress that you're under due to persistent stressors and conditions. Photo by Becky Wetherington.

Acute Stress: Acute stress is the type of stress you experience when you have an immediate reaction to something you're presented with. This is the "in the moment" kind of fight or flight response that you have when you have to speak in a meeting, your boss just asked you to stay late, you're startled by a sudden noise, or someone on the internet makes a ill-informed comment about your favorite smartphone platform/operating system/hardware manufacturer. (How could they!?)
Acute stress is defined by the fact that it's immediate and short term. In most cases, once the stressor has been removed, your body and mind return to a normal state.

Chronic Stress: Chronic stress is entirely different, and is characterized by its long-term nature. This is the type of stress that you feel that you're under every day, with no reprieve from the things that make you feel stressed. Most chronic stressors are situations, for example, in which you dislike your job and detest going every day, being there all day, and thinking about it when you leave. Living paycheck-to-paycheck and struggling with financial security issues is another common source of chronic stress that many people are familiar with.
Its these types of chronic stress situations that are the most dangerous. They keep your body's defenses activated and heightened longer than is generally healthy, and unfortunately more and more of us are living under constant conditions that create stress. Add to this the fact that "coping with stress" isn't exactly a topic you learn in school and you have a recipe for a lot of very unhappy people.

What's Actually Happening When You're Stressed
Your body shows signs of stress in two ways: first, the rush of hormones that elevate your heart rate, boost your blood pressure, and stop your digestion, and then second the symptoms that you experience and are aware of, like clenched teeth, headaches, and emotional upset.
Most of us can tell when we're stressed momentarily, or are just feeling stressed out generally, but there's a lot going on inside our bodies when we're stressed that play a role in our health.
Symptoms: The most common and recognizable symptoms of stress are the ones most of us know all too well: insomnia, headaches, jaw pain, back and neck pain, stuttering, heartburn and nausea, nervousness and anxiety, fidgeting, nail-biting, lateness and trouble focusing, and a lack of interest in work or activities that are normally interesting. The American Institute of Stress (AIS) has a list of 50 common signs and symptoms of stress that include these, but also note a number of other symptoms that you may not have immediately associated with stress and not another condition like depression.
For example, behavioral changes that lead to other conditions can also be signs of stress, like addictive tendencies, a sudden interest in smoking, alcohol, excessive eating, or gambling, or any other addictive behavior that can be interpreted as an escape from chronic stressors. Often, even subconsciously, many of us try to escape stressful situations or conditions by blocking them out or escaping by way of anything that makes us feel better. Even if it's fleeting, it's common to search out an escape so you can relax for a while. Photo by The American Institute of Stress.

I spoke with Roger S. Gil, MAMFT, about some of the less productive ways people cope with stress, and he highlighted that trying to escape without dealing with the actual stressor is more common than you may think. "Overeating, displaced anger, denial, defensiveness, etc. All are signs of avoidance and coping strategies that are meant to protect the ego from the discomfort caused by the stressor…and none of them do anything about the stressor," he explained. "Withdrawing (i.e. checking out mentally) from the situation at hand is something I see A LOT of in my work with couples. For example a husband may withdraw into his own little world when his wife complains about something. Instead of hearing her concerns, he pulls away and encourages her to nag him some more…which causes more withdrawal."

These behavioral changes cut both ways though: the AIS notes that stress reactions can also lead to isolation, loneliness, and severe depression as well. If you've been suddenly feeling alone, forgetful, overly defensive, disorganized, uninterested in your everyday life, overwhelmed by what's going on around you to the point where you need to lie about them, and having difficulty communicating with others, it's possible that chronic, poorly managed stress may be part of the problem.

Physiological Effects of Stress: While stress is most often discussed in terms of how it changes our mental and emotional condition, stressors and stressful situations also have a profound impact on our bodies. Stressors, whether they're acute or chronic, immediately set off the body's fight-or-flight response, flooding your system with stress hormones like norepinephrine and cortisol that are meant to give you a needed boost in dangerous situations. Image via Wikipedia.
In short and small bursts, those hormones can make you more alert, more perceptive, raise your heart rate so your muscles get more blood to them, and raise your breathing rate so you get more oxygen into your lungs. Your digestive processes stop entirely so your body doesn't waste energy processing food when it needs all the energy it can muster to survive. It's a good thing if, say, you're dashing across a busy street or escaping a burning building, but keeping your body's fight or flight response turned on all the time and those stress hormones at high levels in your body is unhealthy, as this eHealth article explains.
If these hormones stay in your system for too long, they can eventually lead to high blood pressure and increased heart rate, stress-induced hypertension and stroke risk, ulcers and other gastrointestinal distress, a suppressed immune system, fatigue, sexual issues like impotence and decreased libido. After all, those stress hormones are meant to be in our systems for a short period while we deal with an acute stressor, at a time where we need all of our faculties about us. Over the long term, keeping the body on full alert is more of a detriment than a benefit.


What You Can Do About Stress
Once you recognize the effects of stress and understand the damage you're doing to your body by not coming up with ways to cope with the stress that you're under, it's time to do something about it. I spoke with clinical psychologist Jeffrey DeGroat, PhD about some of the ways you can reduce the impact that chronic stress has on you and how to cope with acute stressors.

Dealing with Acute Stressors: If the stressor is acute and temporary, Dr. DeGroat suggests applying simple relaxation techniques like deep breathing, to calm the mind and the body so you can get the clarity you need to address the situation. He proposes taking a 10-second breathing cycle: breathe in for four seconds, and then out for six seconds. "Works as a thought distraction," he says, "as well as physically slowing down heart rate. This is a good technique to use anytime and anywhere." Photo by Shawn Rossi.


Previously mentioned app CalmDown for Mac is a utility designed just for situations like this: it encourages you to take a deep breath (or a few) so you can step back from the stressor for a moment, gather your thoughts, and push through the fog of frustration and anger that often come with stressors.

I also spoke with Roger Gil about dealing with stressful situations and he reinforced the point: "Stressors like these can produce physical responses at first; so if you're heart is racing, you're short of breath, or you feel your muscles tightening somewhere in your body, know that you're feeling a physiological stress response. In those cases, channeling your awareness of your body can sometimes distract a person away from the area of the body having the stress response." Recognizing that you're having a physical reaction will help you calm down and deal with the situation the way you really want to, as opposed to letting it stew in your mind only to come up with what you wanted to say 15 minutes after you should have said it.

In that vein, Dr. DeGroat explains that figuring out what you wanted to say a few minutes after you said it is very common, and often a result of being unprepared for the stressful situation you're presented with. Aside from making sure to be ready for those situations in advance if you can be, he suggests acknowledging that you're stressed in the situation and telling the person or people you're dealing with that you'll get back to them later. Photo by Sasha Wolff.
"Rather than responding immediately with something we may regret later, or not saying anything at all," he says, "another option might be to indicate to the person that you'll talk to them later about the situation. For example, [imagine] you find out that a co-worker is dating an ex-boyfriend/girlfriend of yours. Rather than yelling at them and making yourself look out of control, or saying 'oh, that's cool,' when you're really upset about it, you could say, 'let's not get into this right now.' This will give you some time to collect your thoughts and approach them on your terms and on your time." Time, as Dr. DeGroat explains, is key to defusing acute stressors, letting your body and mind return to normal, and giving yourself the space to deal with them in a healthy way.

Dealing with Chronic Stressors: Stressors that you deal with on a daily basis or that are always hanging over your head are a different matter entirely. Usually they give you a little more time and space to deal with the thing that's making you stressed, and there are other relaxation techniques for stressors that may not require action on your part right away, or stressors that are always lurking in the background, like your boss, for example.
Visualization is one way to relax yourself when you're presented with a stressor that you don't need to respond to immediately. Dr. DeGroat suggests that if you can, take five to ten minutes to immerse yourself in the most relaxing environment you can possibly imagine, whether it's green fields, a chair by the sea, or your favorite easy chair at home. Focus on as much of that environment as possible, trying to manifest the sounds, smells, and details about it in your head. The more you do this, the farther away you'll get from the thing that's bothering you. It won't make that thing go away, but it will give you a little clarity of mind and distance from the stressor. Photo by Gabriel Pollard.

If you have additional time to relax and some space to be alone, Dr. DeGroat suggests progressive muscle relaxation to defuse some of the natural tension that comes with being stressed. "Systematically tense and relax muscle groups, beginning at your toes and working your way all to the top of your head. [This] serves as a distraction from current stressors and can help reduce physical tension that often accompanies stress."

Another tip Dr. DeGroat offers is to identify whether level of stress and your response to it is realistic or unrealistic when you're in the middle of it. If it's realistic, as in anyone would respond the same way and there's something you can do about it (like your computer froze or you just dropped something,) then address the situation and move on. If the response is unrealistic and others may not respond the same way (traffic isn't moving fast enough or security lines at the airport are too slow,) then address yourself: calm down, step back, and try to relax.

The first step to addressing yourself is to challenge the way you're thinking about the stressor. "Challenging these automatic thoughts that often hijack our minds and promote stress has been shown in research to be a great way to help break the patterns of thinking & behaving that are counterproductive/harmful," Roger Gil explained. "Once the 'mental battle' is won, the IRL battle is more easily handled."

Granted, none of these measures have to be practiced only in the context of chronic stress, but it is more likely that if your boss is getting on your nerves again today or the rent is due and you're worried about being able to afford groceries, you're more likely to take a few minutes and address how you feel so you can approach the issues in a clear manner than you are if you're stuck in a meeting and asked to speak on a topic you weren't ready for.

How to Deal with Stress In the Future
When I asked Dr. DeGroat how we could deal with certain kinds of stress that seem to crop up from time to time, like an overbearing extended family or an aggressive and disrespectful employer, he pointed out that while there are ways to deal with each situation on its own merits, much of the stress that gets to us the most comes from relationships. "Really, I believe stress in relationships (occupational, family, social), often includes difficulties with setting and maintaining boundaries. Others seem to expect too much from us. Rather than setting our own limits/boundaries, we allow others to cross these boundaries, and end up feeling irritated and resentful. One of the best ways to prevent stress in relationships is to identify our own limits/boundaries and hold to them," he says. Photo by Joel Mendoza.

In some cases, it may simply be better to remove yourself from chronic stressors if you're having difficulty adapting to them or minimizing them. After all, if your job is wearing you down and there's no improving it, it may be time to look for a new job. If your relationship is so stressful it's destructive for everyone in it, it may be time to break it off, and if your apartment is run down and your landlord won't fix it, it's time to move out. There are plenty of good reasons to learn to cope with stress, but there are other equally good reasons to remove the stress from your life when you can.

To that end, there's no real way to live a completely stress-free life. Remember, there are positive stressors as well as negative ones, and the positive ones are usually good experiences that we enjoy or seek out. The same applies for negative stressors: they're bound to happen eventually and avoiding them is a futile effort. The key is in knowing how to deal with them, and how to minimize their effect on you.
If the stress you're experiencing is chronic, consider other activities like taking up a hobby, meditating, or traveling—anything that can take your mind off of those stressors and provide a healthy outlet where you can relax. "Other helpful stressful coping mechanisms are exercise, doing an activity you're good at that won't worsen the stress (e.g. cooking, video games, etc), and watching a very engrossing movie/TV show," Gil said, "Sometimes interrupting the state of stress a person is in with an activity they enjoy is enough to keep them from losing control."

There's no magic formula for dealing with stress, but employing coping mechanisms that give you distance, helps you get through the moment, and at best minimizes the overall impact the stressor has on you are a good way to stay healthy, happy, and productive. Photo by Jacob Bøtter.
"It is how we approach it that can cause us problems, or allow us to grow. The more control we can find within a situation, or over ourselves, the more likely we will grow from the situation," Dr. DeGroat explained, "The more we are able to identify and act upon the control and choice we have in situations, the less debilitating the stress will be."


This is just a short introduction, but unsurprisingly, entire books have been written on the topic of stress, its medical and psychological implications, and how you can deal with it in healthy ways. While we hope we've given you some insight into how your body reacts to stressors and how you can manage them in the moment and on the long term, we know that this is by no means an exhaustive study into the topic. What are some of your most successful ways of dealing with stressful situations, both short and long-term? Share your suggestions in the comments
source: Lifehacker

Failing to communicate is a bigger management mistake

In many organizations, most employees don't have a clue about what's going on. Information is power, and some managers use information — in particular, the control of information – to ensure that they're the most knowledgeable and therefore the most valuable individuals in an organization. Some managers shy away from social situations and naturally avoid communicating with their employees — especially when the communication is negative in some way. Others simply don't make efforts to communicate information to their employees on an ongoing basis, letting other, more pressing business take precedence by selectively "forgetting" to tell their employees.

The health of today's organizations — especially during times of change — depends on the widespread dissemination of information throughout an organization and the communication that enables this dissemination to happen. Employees mustbe empowered with information so that they can make the best decisions at the lowest possible level in the organization, quickly and without the approval of higher-ups.

To some of your employees, you're a resource. To others, you're a trusted associate. Still others may consider you to be a mentor, while others see you as a coach or parent. However your employees view you, they all need your time and guidance during the course of their careers. Managing is a people job — you need to make time for people. Some workers may need your time more than others. You must assess your employees' individual needs and address them.

Although some of your employees may be highly experienced and require little supervision, others may need almost constant attention when they're new to a job or task. When an employee needs to talk, make sure that you're available. Put your work aside for a moment, ignore your phone, and give your employee your undivided attention. Not only do you show your employees that they are important, but when you focus on them, but you also hear what they have to say.


http://companiesmanagement.com/2010/10/failing-to-communicate-is-biggest-management-mistake


 

M Junaid Tahir

Read my blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

 

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Story of a Man and The Hotel Owner - Stress Lesson


A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could sell him a million frog legs. The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, "There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs - millions of them. They all croak all night long and they are about to make me crazy!" So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant, five hundred at a time for the next several weeks. The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, "Well... where are all the frogs?" The farmer said, "I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!"
 
1- Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember, it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs.
2- Problems always seem bigger in the dark. Have you ever laid in your bed at night worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Are You An Explosive Personality Or The Implosive One?

By Junaid Tahir:
Muhammad Amjad is a good friend of mine and I always spend quality time with him. Today, while we were discussing different personality traits from Anger Management perspective, he introduced me to the concept of Explosive and Implosive Personalities. So here is the summary of what we discussed:

If you belong to "Explosive Group of Angry People" then you tend to react on the spot when you don't like things, talks or an event whenever it happens. You don't hide your feelings and say whatever you feel about it. For example, at a ticket counter when someone breaks the queue, you speak loud about the violation that has happened. On the contrary, you belong to "Implosive Group of Angry People" when you keep your feelings within you. You feel that you can absorb the situation and you want to keep the situation peaceful. Artile written by Junaid.Tahir

Well, based on the above paragraph it will not be appropriate to conclude if Explosive Anger Reaction is better or Implosive Anger Reaction as both have their pros and cons. Below is the summary:

Explosive Anger Management: Since you don't keep things in heart instead you speak up so you are not building any stress inside you. So you are an open heart personality. Disadvantage is that if you have misjudged the situation and reacted all of a sudden, there is a chance that you will regret your statements and acts. Remember, words once spoken cannot be reverted. Because of your reactive personality, people prefer not to mingle with you as their respect is on stake while near you as they never know what will happen if you don't like anything at any point in time. Article written by Junaid.Tahir

Implosive Anger Management: The advantage is that you are creating a peaceful environment and avoiding any kind of brawl in your surroundings consequently people feel comfortable when you are around and they are easy to get along with you. The disadvantage is that by not speaking and reacting to the situations you are building stress inside you and impacting your peace of mind. Also, you are not playing your role in improving the situation and you are not adding any positive impact in your surroundings, society or family whichever applicable.

Overall, both approaches can be adopted at different type of situations. The optimum approach would be to keep yourself cool in all kind of circumstance. Whenever a situation triggers your anger, be logical, analytical and ethical in your response in such a way that you are contributing to improve the situation for yourself and for others as well. Article written by Junaid.Tahir

Small acts of kinds generate big ripples of happiness in the society.
If you have different opinions about Explosive and Implosive Anger Management, please do share.

0039-mjunaidtahir-paradigmwisdom-29Apr12- Are you Explosive or Implosive Personality?

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

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