If we ask someone who do they think has caused them the most sorrow in life, most will point out to someone they love or had loved a lot. Why is it so?
It happens like that because we believe that the energy of love will come from the outside and will fill us inside. The energy of love from the other will fulfill our inner desire for the experience of love. Due to our own need, we attach ourselves and hold on to a particular person whom we love a lot, believing that they will fill us with the love that they possess inside them, which will make us stronger, fuller and more content. So we start depending on the other person for this need. When he/she is not able to fill us, which happens many times, we experience sorrow. Love is an energy, which exists inside us. It always goes from the inside out and reaches out to the other and brings benefit to the other. It does not come from the outside in.
If we try and reverse the flow of love i.e. we make the energy of love come from outside in, we start depending on the outside for love, which results in the vacuuming effect. When you vacuum to clean your living room, you absorb the good and the bad. If you have dropped something very small, but valuable and of utmost importance to you, on your carpet, the vacuum cleaner absorbs it or takes it away, together with the dust, which is negative and of no value to you and which you do not want inside your home. When you live with the vacuuming effect on an emotional level, you absorb the love, care, concern, virtues, powers, specialties, energy, etc. of the person you love but you also end up absorbing their weaknesses, their worries, their fears, etc. That way, a dependency is generated that is counter-productive and causes emotional pain. That does not mean we become cold and stop accepting love from others, but we are no longer dependent on it for our inner well-being and happiness. Also, on the other hand, we keep radiating or giving love. When we give love, we experience it ourselves first and that's what we want - an experience of love, isn't it?
Source: Unknown Love