Blog Archive

Humor: Conversations of Attorneys

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ATTORNEY: 
This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: 
And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: 
You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
____________________

ATTORNEY: 
Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, 
he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
_____________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, 
how old is he?
WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
____________________

ATTORNEY: 
Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_____________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
W ITNESS :
 Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. 
Can I get a new attorney?


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ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
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ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________


ATTORNEY: 
Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
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ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
_____________________

And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: 
Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.

ATTORNEY: 
So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? 
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law!