Blog Archive

Humor: The 5 Questions


​5 most common questions asked by wives and most common wrong answers:​

1. What are you thinking about?
2. Do you love me?
3. Do I look fat in this?
4. Do you think she is prettier than me?
5. What would you do if I died?

What makes these questions so difficult is that each one is guaranteed to
explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e. tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below,
along with possible responses.

Question #1: What are you thinking about?
The proper answer to this, of course, is: "I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear.
 I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent
woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you."

This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer,
which most likely is one of the following:
a. "Football."
b. "Golf."
c. "How fat you are."
d. "How I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy,
who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking,
 I would be talking to you!"

Question #2: Do you love me?
The proper response is:
"Yes!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."

Inappropriate responses include:
a. "Oh yeah, sh*tloads."
b. "Would it make you feel better if I said yes?"
c. "That depends on what you mean by love."
d. "Does it matter?" e. "Who, me?"

Question #3: Do I look fat?
The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect answers are:
a. "Compared to what?"
b. "I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin."
c. "A little extra weight looks good on you."
d. "I've seen fatter."
e. "Sorry, what did you say? I was just thinking about how
 I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #4: Do you think she's prettier than me?
Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"

Incorrect responses include:
a. "Yes, but you have a better personality."
b. "Not prettier, but definitely thinner."
c. "Not as pretty as you when you were her age."
 d. "Define pretty."
e. "Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about
 how I would spend the insurance money if you died."

Question #5: What would you do if I died?
A definite no-win question.
(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Ferrari and a boat.")