When a colleague outperforms you, a friend has a bustling social life, or when someone has a seemingly perfect relationship, it is easy to turn to resentment.1 Most of the time, we don't admit to these feelings, but the green-eyed monster lurks beneath the surface.
Whether or not we'd like to admit it, we've all felt jealous of someone else in the past.
Competitive and jealous feelings are an adaptive strategy. Humans are naturally inclined to compare to others because it was essential to outperform others in order to survive.2
While it seems natural to become envious or resentful of others, the feeling does more harm than good.
Envy Costs Your Entire Mind
Envy interferes with people's ability to think and act. Instead of working on attaining a high level of success, it focuses a person's energy on what they lack.3 An envious person is blind to their own progress since their only aim is to have what someone else already has. Without benchmarks for their progress, envious individuals quickly lose their motivation altogether.
Those who worry about the final outcomes that others experience don't think about the journey that their competitors had to take to reach that level of success.4 Envious people are blind to their own strengths, and they're unable to see the weaknesses of rivals.
If you spend your whole life envying others because you think they are more efficient, more easily promoted, or better at solving problems, you'll never become better. A person who wastes time worrying about others' successes will not be able to see his or her own potential. Even when the envious person succeeds, he or she will likely still be so focused on the other person that there is little cause for celebration. The vicious cycle continues, and the envious individual never feels satisfied.
The reality is that there will always be someone smarter, better, or stronger. Enviousness condemns people to lead lives in which they constantly hope to have more. The green-eyed monster can never be satisfied. Intrinsic motivation for success yields better outcomes than resentment of others' accomplishments.
Cut the Chord and Stop Depending on Envy
I understand that even the most altruistic and optimistic among us may be tempted to envy others from time to time. When I face envy, I revisit my purpose and desire to succeed. I find motivation through grounding myself in my vision.
When I first started Lifehack, it was a struggle. This was during a time when the web was becoming exponentially popular each day, and lots of new companies were popping up everywhere to fill in the space. During that time I heard about a startup close by that quickly grew to fill a huge office. Their building had four floors, a fancy layout, a big canteen, and a rec room with a pool and a dartboard. Almost immediately I thought, "Wow! That sounds cool. I wish I could have those things too. It must be nice." I was impressed, but started to have that uncomfortable feeling comparing myself to this suddenly successful startup.
I could have allowed this feeling to fester, but instead I turned inward to remember what was important to me. I reminded myself that I am most interested in creating an environment that boosts productivity. Anything that doesn't increase productivity is superfluous, and could actually create distractions.
Then, I thought about the goals of my work. I want to create a product that has a positive influence on others. It doesn't matter whether my office space seems cool. What is truly important is how the work that we do in these offices can change lives.
My team doesn't need all those bells and whistles to create a fun work environment. My team members are fun and creative all on their own. If I spent all my time worrying about how big their offices were, I'd be upset with myself for not being able to offer them what that other startup has. I'd be too busy worrying about my feelings of guilt to push my mission forward.
When I focus on my aspirations and work to improve myself, it brings me closer to achieving my mission. Knowing what I really want is the best motivation, and it wards off envy better than vain attempts to have what everyone else has. There's just no reason for me to envy what others have because those things don't align with my vision for this company.
Freeing myself from the control of envy has liberated me from unrealistic and counter-productive desires. I can see the progress I've made as well as the areas in which I'd like to grow, and I allow my work to stand on its own merit instead of constantly comparing it to the work of others.
Not only is freeing oneself of envy critical for staying focused on what is important, it also makes life much more pleasant. Being able to applaud another person's success without having a negative reaction has led to more opportunities and partnerships than if that success had created an adversarial relationship.
When you start to covet the success of others, realign yourself with your vision, and recognize that we are all on a journey to become the greatest versions of ourselves.