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Learning to Control Your Emotions

Learning to Control Your Emotions
Some of us have great control over our emotional responses, and some of us struggle. Doing or saying the wrong thing in the midst of an emotional meltdown could have very negative effects. Say something your boss doesn't like and you could be out of a job.

Gain control of your emotions with these strategies:

1. Realize that negative emotions simply don't last. If you're angry about something right now, you'll probably be over it by next year, next week, or even by tomorrow. But emotions tend to focus our attention right here and now. We don't consider the potential long-term consequences that a temporary emotional state can create.
  • Who hasn't done or said something in the heat of the moment that's caused great remorse? Your anger, fear, resentment, or other negative emotion will fade quickly enough. Your rash response may not.
2. Examine your emotions. Learn to notice when you're getting emotional. When you notice yourself reacting strongly, ask yourself why. Try to label the emotion.
  • Analyze why you're feeling that particular emotion and then admit it to yourself. This way, you can avoid rationalizing your behavior, which is a nice way of saying "lie to yourself." If you know the real reason you're feeling the way you do, you're more able to do something about it.
3. Create space. Many of the challenges created by our emotions could be eliminated if we could just take a moment before reacting. Getting upset isn't something that happens to us. It's something we do to ourselves, and some of us are very good at it.
4. Find a role model. Would you take stock tips from a homeless man? Probably not! Learn emotional control from those that maintain their composure regardless of the circumstances.
  • When you find such a person, ask them how they do it. The answers you receive could make all the difference.
5. Find a healthy way to release negative emotions. Our actions can influence our moods. If you're feeling bored while watching TV, there's no reason to continue watching TV. Immediately get up and go for a walk. Go to the library and find an interesting book. Call a friend. Exercise is a great way to release energy.
  • You don't have to passively accept your mood. Go do something else and change it!
6. Try altering your breathing. Many people assume that emotions are entirely psychological, but there is a physical component. Realize that all emotions are ultimately experienced as physical feelings in your body. You've just learned to label certain body feelings with names like "anger" and "fear."
  • The only part of your physiology that can be easily controlled is your breathing. Take a look at how you're breathing during a strong emotional response and change it.
  • A few ideas you can try are holding your breath for 5 seconds, breathing deeply and slowly for 30 seconds, breathe in slowly and breathe out even more slowly. Think about your breathing and count your breaths. Focus on the physical feeling of the air moving in and out of your body.
If you're used to being controlled by your emotions, you know that it's not easy to maintain your composure. But you can choose to respond differently to your emotions and make wiser choices. Negative emotions exist to inform us that something might be amiss. They are not there to control us.
The post Learning to Control Your Emotions appeared first on My Self Improvement Daily.
 

Success Story: Honda Motor Co - Soichiro Honda

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Soichiro Honda was a mechanic at a garage. His job was to tune cars to prepare them for races. Honda founded Tōkai Seiki, a piston rings manufacturing company in 1937.

This company won a contract to supply piston rings to an established automobile company – Toyota. But soon after, he lost the contract due to the poor quality of the products. Read 300+ stories on DailyTenMinutes.com He took time out to better understand Toyota's quality control processes, and by 1941, Honda was able to mass produce piston rings acceptable to Toyota.

Toyota took a 40% stake in his company, but Honda was demoted from president to senior managing director. Tōkai Seiki's manufacturing plants were destroyed in US bomb attacks in 1944. Read 300+ stories on DailyTenMinutes.com Honda sold the salvageable remains of the company to Toyota and used the proceeds to found the Honda Technical Research Institute in October 1946.

He worked with a staff of 12 men in a 172-square-foot shack. They built and sold improvised motorized bicycles by building their own copy of Tohatsu engines, and supplying these to customers to attach to their bicycles. Honda Motor Company grew in a short time to become the world's largest manufacturer of motorcycles by 1964.

Honda thereafter entered into mini pick-up trucks & finally into the car segment and today is a serious competitor to Toyota.

It's easy to look at these companies and think, "I could never do something like this." Of course, all of these companies took decades to get where they are today. But they had an idea and they believed in it and most importantly, they started.
YourStory

4 Ways to Improve Your Strategic Thinking Skills

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If you've ever received feedback that you "need to be more strategic," you know how frustrating it can feel. To add insult to injury, the feedback rarely comes with any concrete guidance on what to do about it. One of my coaching clients, Lisa, a vice president of HR, was in this situation and explains, "I was just told to think bigger picture and to be more strategic. It felt like I had been given the definition of a word by using the same word. It just wasn't helpful."

So what specific steps can you take to be more strategic in your current role?
Start by changing your mindset. If you believe that strategic thinking is only for senior executives, think again. It can, and must, happen at every level of the organization; it's one of those unwritten parts of all job descriptions. Ignore this fact and you risk getting passed over for a promotion, or having your budget cut because your department's strategic contribution is unclear.

Once you've accepted that it's part of your job, focus on developing four key abilities that demonstrate your strategic prowess.

Know: Observe and Seek Trends

Lisa wasn't seeing the big picture. Because of the amount of work she had and the pace at which she needed to get it done, she often took a "heads down" approach to her job and failed to "lift up" and observe both internal and external trends. She was missing key information that could help her focus, prioritize, and be proactive in addressing talent issues for her fast-growing company. Because Lisa approached her job in a transactional manner, simply getting the next hire, she didn't recognize that she needed a completely new approach to recruitment and retention.

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In order to be strategic, you need a solid understanding of the industry context, trends, and business drivers. An intellectual appreciation of the importance of bringing in current data and seeking trends isn't enough. You also have to:
  • Make it a routine exercise to explore and synthesize the internal trends in your day-to-day work. For example, pay attention to the issues that get raised over and over in your organization and synthesize the common obstacles your colleagues face.
  • Be proactive about connecting with peers both in your organization and in your industry to understand their observations of the marketplace. Then, share your findings across your network.
  • Understand the unique information and perspective that your function provides and define its impact on the corporate level strategy.

Think: Ask the Tough Questions

With a fresh understanding of trends and issues, you can practice using strategic thinking by asking yourself, "How do I broaden what I consider?" Questions are the language of strategy. Lisa came to appreciate that her life and prior experience gave her a unique, yet myopic, strategic lens. So she pushed herself to ramp up her perspective-taking and inquiry skills. By becoming more curious, and looking at information from different points of view, she was able to reduce her myopia and see different possibilities, different approaches, and different potential outcomes.

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Thinking Strategically

For example, when working on an employee retention project she asked herself, "What does success look like in Year 1?"  "What does it look like in Year 3?" "What could impact the outcome in a negative way?" "What are the early signs of success/failure?" "What do business partners need to understand to ensure its success?" and "Do the outcomes support the broader goals of the organization?" By asking these tough questions first, she recognized that she could better engage with colleagues and senior executives early on in ways that would benefit the project — and would help shape the perception that she was thoughtful and strategic.

Speak: Sound Strategic

Strategic thinkers also know how to speak the language. They prioritize and sequence their thoughts. They structure their verbal and written communication in a way that helps their audience focus on their core message. They challenge the status quo and get people talking about underlying assumptions. Those that are really skilled walk people through the process of identifying issues, shaping common understanding, and framing strategic choices.
If this sounds complex, that's because it is. But there are ways you can start honing these skills:
  • Add more structure to your written and verbal communication. Group and logically order your main points, and keep things as succinct as possible.
  • Prime your audience by giving them a heads up on the overarching topics you want to address so they are prepared to engage in a higher level conversation, not just the tactical details.
  • Practice giving the answer first, instead of building up to your main point.
Lisa didn't realize that the way she spoke created the perception that she was not strategic. She set about changing that. First by focusing her one-on-ones with her CHRO on higher level discussions and leaving tactical issues to email. She chose one or two strategic areas to focus on.  and made sure to frame issues in the context of the CHRO's and the CEO's top priorities.

Act: Make Time for Thinking and Embrace Conflict

In the early phase of our work together, Lisa kept a jam-packed schedule, running from meeting to meeting. She found it difficult to contribute strategically without the time to reflect on the issues and to ponder options. Recognizing that she was not bringing her full value to the table, she started to evaluate her tasks based on urgency and importance as outlined in Stephen Covey's 2 x 2 matrix. She stopped going to meetings she didn't need to be at. She blocked out thinking time on her calendar and honored it, just as she would for other meetings. And she fought back the initial guilt of "Am I doing real work when I'm just sitting at my desk thinking?"

Lisa also practiced other key skills. She learned to embrace debate and to invite challenge, without letting it get personal so that she could ask tough questions. To do this, she focused on issues, not people, and used neutral peers to challenge her thinking. To manage the inevitable ambiguity that arises when you ask more questions, Lisa also learned to clarify her decision-making criteria, allowing her to better act in the face of imperfect information.

The quest to build your strategic skills can be uncomfortable. At first, you might feel like you're kicking up sand in the ocean. Your vision will be blurred as you manage through the unsettling feelings that come with challenging your own assumptions and gaining comfort with conflict and curiosity. Once the dust settles, however, and you're able to contribute at a higher level, you'll be glad you took the risk.

Nina A. Bowman is a managing Partner at Paravis Partners, an executive coaching and leadership development firm. She is a contributing author to the HBR Guide to Coaching Employees.

Excellent Lines for Happy and Lovely Life





1. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant.

2. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.

3. When you wake up in the morning, Pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose today.

4. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants, and eat less food that is manufactured.

5. Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat blueberries, broccoli, and almonds.

6. Try to make at least three people smile each day.

7. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.
Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.

8. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge card.

9. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

10. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything.

11. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

12.You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

13. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.

14. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.


15. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.

16. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?'

17. Help the needy, Be Generous ! Be a 'Giver' not a 'Taker'

18. What other people think of you is none of your business.

19. Time heals everything.

20. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

21. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

22. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

23. Each night before you go to bed ,Pray to God and Be thankful for what you've accomplished today.

24. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.

25. Share this to everyone on your list to help them lead a happier life.

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Win People to Your Way of Thinking

10 Ways to help your community in 30 minutes or less

From waking up early to put in a first load of laundry to working all day and driving the mom taxi all afternoon, most women have little time to think about volunteering for community projects. But busy schedules do not mean we have to write off community involvement completely. In thirty minutes or less, anyone can make a difference in the community.
 
Check out the following ideas for ways to help your community in the midst of your everyday activities.
  1. Take a garbage bag while walking through the neighborhood. Pick up any litter along the way. As a by-product, you can get some exercise built into your day.
  2. Shop with locally owned businesses, saving time and money. Many locally owned businesses offer services like free gift-wrapping and delivery. And a percentage of your sales taxes go directly to the local community.
  3. Find positive aspects of your community share with other people. A positive image encourages residents to shop locally, increases the chance new businesses will open in the area and promotes growth.
  4. Attend a local festival or other event. Many have free admission and activities. Most festivals are actually fundraisers for non-profit organizations who make their money through sponsorships. Since sponsors look at attendance numbers to decide how much to give, your family can add to the number and help increase what businesses give next year.
  5. Write a letter to local elected officials encouraging them for making good decisions for the community. People work harder when they know they are appreciated. And elected officials seldom hear enough encouraging words.
  6. Put a potted plant on your front porch. When your home looks spruced up, it makes the whole neighborhood and the community to look better as well.
  7. Take left over dinner to an elderly neighbor. If you have a family of four, cook enough dinner for five one night and deliver a plate to the widow next door. Your delivery helps you to get to know your neighbors better. And police promote knowing your neighbors as the best way to fight neighborhood crime.
  8. Look for opportunities to give in your community. Many schools collect items, such as like canned foods, old coats, toys and eyeglasses, for less fortunate families.
  9. Vote. While the Presidential election comes around only once every four years, elections happen every year. Check out the candidates for local and state elections.
  10. Encourage your employer to sponsor local events, join a civic organization or allow employees to volunteer during work hours. Many businesses have volunteer programs to reward employees for volunteering. Local news media often cover large volunteer events and having employee representation gives businesses extra publicity.
By doing our part to contribute to the community, we add people to our circle of influence and gain opportunities to build relationships with our neighbours. We also demonstrate what it means to be a good citizen to our children.

Top 10 Enticing Fruits

 
 
Did you know that right fruit can enhance your love making and increase your libido? Fruits are nature's candy. They are a perfect substitute for cakes, cookies, and candies. 
  There's something very sensual about taking a bite of a fruit that has a firm exterior, and experiencing the explosion of sweet succulent juice released in your mouth. Virtually every fruit is packed with vitamins and nutrients.
It is no doubt, healthier to eat the whole fruit because its fiber is extremely healthy for the digestive system. Try freezing fruits such as grapes or strawberries and eat them as delicious dessert treats. They will take longer to eat, and their frozen consistency makes eating them feel like eating a popsicle.
 

Pomegranate- Best know for boosting sex drive, pomegranate helps the body produce (NO) or nitric oxide which helps to open up blood vessels and increase blood flow which is great news for the libido. During a study into the benefits of pomegranate on lowering blood pressure and reducing the the risk of heart disease.
Scientists found that drinking pomegranate juice can actually increase sex drive. A number of couples were given pomegranate juice to drink then asked to perform some erotic activities and couples who drank the pomegranate juice showed elevated levels of sexual interest.
 

Apples: An apple a day has been said to elevate moods and work as an antidepressant. An apple has multiple symbolic meanings, many of which are sexual. Erotic associations linked apples to female breasts, while the core of an apple cut in half has often been compared to a woman's vagina. According to folklore, the apple is one of many foods believed to possess aphrodisiac powers.
 

Bananas- Banana has a pleasing, phallic shape; they are rich in the potassium and B vitamins necessary for sex hormone production. Additionally, the high content of chelating minerals and an enzyme called bromelain in bananas is said to aid in boosting male erectile efficiency. So eat banana, and then drive your lover bananas! Again, bananas are mood enhancers and can serve as mild sedatives because they contain tryptophan. It relaxes us, improves our mood and makes us feel happy, which is why people suffering from depression get a boost after eating bananas.
 

Berries- Raspberries, strawberries, cherries, and other berries are sweet and delicious. The perfect foods for seductive hand-feeding, they are also high in vitamin C and make a sweet light dessert. Dip them in a small amount of light or fat-free whipped cream and lick them slowly for further sensual pleasure. In Asia, goji berries are known as a strong sexual tonic. They increase testosterone levels, which stimulates libido in both men and women. Furthermore, they improve overall stamina, mood and wellbeing, all of which are vital for an optimum sex life.
 

Mangos- Mangos are exotic, flavorful, and juicy. The mango is an extremely healthful fruit, loaded with vitamins A and C. It is ideal for dieting because its high fiber content makes it filling. It also works as a gentle laxative or diuretic. The slippery mango, is a fruit that inspired a verse in the Kamasutra--"Sucking The Mango"--as a technique to please the lingam.
 

Oranges- This yummy fruit has served as an aphrodisiac in China, and as a holiday treat in many cultures. Oranges are loaded with vitamin C. In fact over 100 percent of the recommended daily allowance of vitamin C is contained in a single orange. Oranges provide other benefits, including important amounts of potassium, magnesium, and phosphorus. Anthocyanins, which give blood oranges their red hue, may be helpful in preventing some cancers. All varieties of oranges boast a significant amount of fiber, vitamin A, and folate. They also have only about seventy calories each..
 

Passion Fruit- Of course, passion fruit on this passion-filled diet is a natural. Passion fruit is a perfect food for hand feeding your lover.

Peaches - Well know for its seductive shape. The crease in the fruit resembles the lips of the woman's vagina. Peaches also contain vitamins and minerals that contribute to your health and well-being. Low in calories-one cup of sliced peaches has only 60 calories-and composed of 80 percent water, peaches are a great weapon for waist-watching singles. Plus, the fiber found in peaches acts as a mild laxative, making sure irregularities do not come in between you and your love life.
Pears-Pears are a very appropriate fruit for a diet in which you are working as a pair! This fruit has a lovely, phallic shape and is filled with minerals. Very low in calories and sodium and full of fiber, pears are a great supplement to a weight loss diet. The pear also contains a lot of potassium, which is critical, together with calcium, to the process of bone formation. It is also important for the proper regulation of liquids in the body and for the well-being of the nervous system.
 

Pineapples - A glass of fresh pineapple juice is especially vitalizing. For aphrodisiac effect, eat sliced pineapples with chili powder or mix with honey. A small glass of the fruit's juice taken daily promotes energies of love. Rich in vitamin C, pineapples are used in homeopathic treatment for impotence. Add a pineapple spear to an occasional sweet drink for a tasty prelude to an evening of passion.
 

Watermelon- Watermelon is rich with citrulline, an amino acid that helps improve blood flow to the heart and genitalia, as well as to the rest of the body. Citrulline is highly effective at relaxing blood vessels, producing an effect similar to drugs like Viagra. Result: Increased blood flow to your sexual organs.
Be creative with your menu and take your love life to new heights.
Ref: The Ultimate Sex Diet by Kerry Mccloskey


8 Steps to Anger Management for Kids

by Janet Lehman, MSW 8 Steps to Anger Management for Kids
Do your kids make you feel like an ogre when you set limits? Does the word “no” kick off whining, yelling and protests?  How many times have you heard your nine-year-old say something like: “That’s not fair! Brandon’s mom lets him watch Sons of Anarchy!”  Or does this sound familiar:  “Jessica’s dad lets her stay out ‘til 10 on school nights! Why can’t you?
“It’s important to help your child look at what was happening and what they were thinking that triggered their angry response.”
It can be hard to know sometimes if the limits you set are reasonable or not, especially when your kids are howling that “everyone else is allowed to do it!”On top of that, how do you know that the limits you set even work? Whether you are just beginning to set limits, or are adjusting your limits to match your child’s unique needs and developmental changes, here are some tips to make setting limits, and feeling confident about those limits, easier.
  1. Start from your values. Be clear about the values you want to instill in your family. If eating dinner together at home is important, make that an expectation. If treating people fairly is essential, make sure your limits support that. Knowing that your limits are based on your values helps during those times when your child pushes back and says you’re the worst parent in the world. You’ll find it easier to resist giving in to that argument.
  2. Communicate the limits. Try saying to your child something like, “Things are going to change, and you can expect that dad and I will deal with your behavior differently.” Or, “Now that you’re older, we need to have some rules about going to parties.”  Then let your child know the limits and the consequences for either following or not following the rules. Be clear and specific. This is not a one-time event, but rather a process that will likely take repeated refresher discussions along the way.
  3. Monitor how your child responds. What did your child do? Not immediately, because change is a process and takes time, but over time.  Are you able to observe some improvement in behavior, even if it’s slight? For instance, you set curfew for your teen, and at first he didn’t seem to care.  But when you started to take the car keys away, he began to come home closer and closer to the curfew.  Now he is routinely coming in on time.
    For younger kids, it may be helpful to have a chart or calendar where behaviors are recorded.  Kids often like to participate in this activity, especially if they get to put the sticker on the chart for behaving correctly. For older kids, charting behavior helps them get a better perspective on their ability to change over time.  Even if they had a terrible day yesterday, they can see that they’ve been doing so much better during the past few weeks, and so there’s hope for continued success.
  4. Be matter-of-fact. Try not to personalize the misbehavior. If your child starts to feel the power to “hurt” you with his misbehavior, this can easily lead to manipulative behavior. Instead, focus on the behavior and your child’s need to change. Help them understand that the misbehavior is hurtful to them and worth changing. If you are angry, wait to talk with your child until your anger has cooled.  You can say, “I’m not ready to talk with you right now.  I’ll talk with you when I am. Just wait”.
  5. Be prepared. Do you sometimes just react to your child’s misbehavior, handing down whatever punishment happens to come to mind?  Instead, try sitting down and calmly thinking about what behavior you are trying to target.  Then you can think more clearly about what consequence would be most effective in promoting change.  Develop a list of meaningful consequences in a quiet moment. You know your kids best, what they hold near and dear. Consequences are most impactful when your child really cares either about avoiding the loss of something (computer time, going to her friends overnight, the car, the concert) or about gaining something (time with dad, a hiking trip with friends, an overnight, the car, a concert).
    Remember, it’s important for both parents to share any plan that is developed and be on the same page, or at least be willing to support each other in the process.
  6. Consequences need time limits. You need to set limits and impose consequences that allow your child to grow and change. Part of this is setting limits with appropriate timeframes. Younger kids have a very different sense of time than adults. A weeklong consequence for a six-year-old may feel never-ending to her, where your 10-year-old can more easily feel like there’s some light at the end of the tunnel. If you ground your teen for the rest of his life, (while you may definitely feel that way at the time) he will immediately know that you are setting a limit you can’t hold him to.
    For some kids, it’s helpful to set limits in small increments so they can experience success. “If you are able to make it through this evening without fighting with your brother, you will earn back 20 minutes of computer time tomorrow night.” Having do-able steps is especially important for kids with moderate to severe behavior problems as they can often experience failure and feelings of defeat.
  7. Monitor yourself. Watch that you’re not falling into old patterns of screaming and yelling or ignoring misbehavior. It’s difficult for us, too, as parents to change.  Keep at it.
  8. Start limit setting early.  It’s much harder to begin setting limits for the first time when your child is a teenager whose “job” it is to push back on limits, especially those set by parents. But remember, you can start any time.
  9. Change doesn’t happen overnight. When things don’t seem to be working, try looking for the little changes you can observe in your own behavior—even if they aren’t yet impacting your child. Did you make a plan and stick with it? Did you make a decision and hold firm? Were you able to tell your child what you expected of him without screaming and yelling? If you did any of these things, you are making progress.
    There may be relapses by you or your child. You may get “lazy” about follow-through; or your child who was doing so well playing at recess gets into a fight. Keep small set-backs in perspective, and try thinking one day at a time. It may also be time to review your limits and consequences and see if they need adjusting.
  10. Don’t look for validation from your child. If you’re looking for validation from your kids, you’re giving them too much power. Their job is not to be your friend, or to thank you for setting limits to help them control their behavior. Part of being a parent is setting limits, teaching better behaviors, and coaching your children as they begin to use those improved behaviors. This is a hard job, and at times you can feel pretty alone. Talk to other parents who you trust. Discuss the problems with your partner, and support each other in the changes. Talk with a teacher or guidance counselor who understands your child and some of the unique challenges he or she presents.
Parents often feel that by setting limits, they will lose their child’s love. Just the opposite is true. Kids need limits, and count on parents to set those for them to keep them safe and help them grow. Setting limits is an act of love.
As you start setting and holding your children to more consistent limits, you might feel that you are being overly strict.  Aiming for consistency may also feel rigid to parents who are used to a looser household. Remember that limit-setting is just one part of effective parenting and needs to be paired with teaching and coaching. Children aren’t going to change their behavior simply due to limits.  Kids also need parents to teach better problem-solving skills and to coach them as they try out the new skills and behaviors. They may never say thank you, but setting limits is one of the best gifts you can give your child.

Read more: EmpoweringParents

Relationship Building: 7 Powerful Tips

A strong, healthy relationship is one in which the partners show respect and kindness toward each other. The relationship forms a rewarding and enduring bond of trust and support. Here are seven power skills by Steve  Brunkhorst that will help you form stronger alliances and bring more closeness, authenticity and trust to your relationships.

1. Relax Optimistically

If you are comfortable around others, they will feel comfortable around you. If you appear nervous, others will sense it and withdraw. If you are meeting someone for the first time, brighten up as if you've rediscovered a long-lost friend. A smile will always be the most powerful builder of rapport. Communicating with relaxed optimism, energy and enthusiasm will provide a strong foundation for lasting relationships.

2. Listen Deeply
Powerful listening goes beyond hearing words and messages; it connects us emotionally with our communication partner. Listen to what the person is not saying as well as to what he or she is saying. Focus intently and listen to the messages conveyed behind and between words.

Listen also with your eyes and heart. Notice facial expressions and body postures, but see beneath the surface of visible behaviors. Feel the range of emotions conveyed by tone of voice and rhythm of speech. Discern what the person wants you to hear and also what they want you to feel.

3. Feel Empathetically
Empathy is the foundation of good two-way communication. Being empathetic is seeing from another person's perspective regardless of your opinion or belief. Treat their mistakes as you would want them to treat your mistakes. Let the individual know that you are concerned with the mistake, and that you still respect them as a person. Share their excitement in times of victory, and offer encouragement in times of difficulty. Genuine feelings of empathy will strengthen the bond of trust.

4. Respond Carefully
Choose emotions and words wisely. Measure your emotions according to the person's moods and needs. Words can build or destroy trust. They differ in shades of meaning, intensity, and impact. What did you learn when listening deeply to the other individual? Reflect your interpretation of the person's message back to them. Validate your understanding of their message.

Compliment the person for the wisdom and insights they've shared with you. This shows appreciation and encourages further dialogs with the individual. A response can be encouraging or discouraging. If you consider in advance the impact of your emotions and words, you will create a positive impact on your relationships.

5. Synchronize Cooperatively
When people synchronize their watches, they insure that their individual actions will occur on time to produce an intended outcome. Relationships require ongoing cooperative action to survive and thrive.

As relationships mature, the needs and values of the individuals and relationship will change. Career relationships will require the flexibility to meet changing schedules and new project goals. Cooperative actions provide synchrony and build trusting alliances. They are part of the give and take that empowers strong, enduring relationships.

6. Act Authentically
Acting authentically means acting with integrity. It means living in harmony with your values. Be yourself when you are with someone else. Drop acts that create false appearances and false security.

When you act authentically, you are honest with yourself and others. You say what you will do, and do what you say. Ask for what you want in all areas of your relationships. Be clear about what you will tolerate. Find out what your relationship partners want also. Being authentic creates mutual trust and respect.

7. Acknowledge Generously
Look for and accentuate the positive qualities in others. Humbly acknowledge the difference that people make to your life. Validate them by expressing your appreciation for their life and their contributions. If you let someone know that they are valuable and special, they will not forget you. Showing gratitude and encouragement by words and actions will strengthen the bonds of any relationship.

Don't forget to acknowledge your most important relationship: the relationship with yourself. Acknowledge your own qualities, and put those qualities into action. You cannot form a stronger relationship with others than you have with yourself. You will attract the qualities in others that are already within you.

Ask yourself: What thoughts and behaviors will attract the kind of relationships I desire? What is one action I could take today that would empower my current relationships?

Write down all the qualities or behaviors that you desire for your relationships. Select the power skills that will attract those qualities. Keep a journal of the actions you take and the progress you make. By turning these skills into lifelong habits, you will build relationships that are healthy, strong and mutually rewarding.

source: unknown



What is stress?
What Stress Actually Does to You and What You Can Do About It
What Will Matter and What Won't
What You Imagine is Extremely Important
When It Comes To Happiness, Simplicity Is Key
When Mistakes are Ok?
Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Winners Vs Losers
Wise Quotes from the book "Lift me Up" by Ron Kaufman
Worries & Prayers
Worry Creates More Problems

The Power of Deep Thinking: Essence of Creativity

Life Is Simply a Series of Present Moments
Here we are informed that the past is simply all the present moments that have gone by. Tolle posits that the only important time is the present, for which we think about the least. Furthermore, the present is simply future present moments waiting to go by.
Stages of Deep Thinking
Before we look at strategies you can use to become a deep thinker, let's briefly look at the stages of deep thinking known as the Three Levels of Thought. 5
  • Level 1: Lower Order Thinking. The individual is not reflective, has a low to mixed skill level, and relies solely on gut intuition.
  • Level 2: Higher Order Thinking. The individual is selective on what to reflect on, has a high skill level, yet lacks critical thinking vocabulary.
  • Level 3: Highest Order Thinking. The individual is explicitly reflective, has the highest skill level, and routinely uses critical thinking tools.

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Strategies to Become a Deep Thinker

To enter into the Highest Order Thinking, try the following strategies.

Increase Self-Awareness by Thinking About Thinking

Imagine you could become aware of how you learn. We know that we must have a baseline of previous knowledge about something to use Metacognition. Think of your Intelligence as what you think and Metacognition as how you think. Let's look at a series of questions you can ask yourself by using the Elements of Thought.6
  • Purpose. What am I trying to accomplish?
  • Questions: What question am I raising or addressing? Am I considering the complexities in the question?
  • Information: What information am I using to get to my conclusion.
  • Inferences: How did I reach this conclusion? Is there another way to interpret the information?
  • Concepts: What is the main idea? Can I explain this idea?
  • Assumptions: What am I taking for granted?
  • Implications: If someone accepted my position, what would the implications be?
  • Points of View. From what point of view am I looking at this issue? Is there another point of view I should consider?

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Challenge Current Learning Methods Through Meta-Questions

Meta-Questioning is higher order questions we can use to explore ideas and problems. Here are some examples.
  • Why did it happen?
  • Why was it true?
  • How does X relate to Y?
  • Why is reasoning based on X instead of Y?
  • Are there other possibilities?
Let's look at a practical example.
  • When you say: "I can't do this." Change this to: "What specifically can I not do?"
  • You say: "I can't exercise." Then ask: "What is stopping me?"
  • You say: "I don't have time." Now ask yourself: "What needs to happen for me to start exercising?"
  • You discover: "What time wasters can I eliminate in order to create more time to exercise?"
  • Then imagine how you could start exercising: "If I could exercise, how would I do it?"

View the World Through Different Lens

Here is a technique you can use to foster a deeper understanding of a problem—Four Ways of Seeing:
  • How does X view itself?
  • How does Y view itself?
  • How does X view Y?
  • How does Y view X?


Try to apply the technique like this: suppose we are in the United States looking at a foreign country. First, draw four boxes, then list the questions. Second, start answering the questions.

  • In box #1 ask: "How do we see the United States?"
  • Box #2: "How does China see themselves?"
  • Box #3: "How does China see the United States?"
  • Box #4: "How do you see them?"

Thought Experiments

One last technique you can use to become a deep thinker —Thought Experiments. This is a device of the imagination used to investigate the nature of just about anything. 7 Thought Experiments seek to learn about reality through thinking:
  • Visualize a situation and set it up in your imagination.
  • Let it run or carry out some type of operation.
  • See what happens.
  • Draw a conclusion.
The team at Stanford describes this using the following example: Since the time of Lucretius, we've learned how to conceptualize space so that it is both finite and unbounded. Let's see how this Thought Experiment can work.
  • Imagine a circle, which is a one-dimensional space.
  • As we move around, there is no edge, but it is nevertheless finite.
  • What can you conclude? The universe might be a three-dimensional version of this topology.

Think Deep, and You Will Think Creatively

Thinking deep will change how you think, feel, and view the world. When you understand this concept, you will start to think beyond simple beliefs.
"When the root is Deep… There is no reason to fear the wind."
Deep Thinking will change how you think, feel, and view the world. When you understand this concept, you will start to think beyond simple beliefs.
By applying all the skills mentioned in this article, you will be able to think deeper and explore more possibilities. Read Full Article
 

Dr. Jamie Schwandt is an American author, statistics professor, TV show host, motivational speaker, lean six sigma master black belt, and a major in the United States Army. Full Bio
 

The Top 20 Coolest Employee Perks

               
When it comes to recruiting top talent, how much do perks matter? Quite a lot, according to employer review site Glassdoor. Their Benefits Review, released this week, found that 57 percent of people report benefits and perks being among their top considerations when deciding where to work. When job hunting, four-in-five would prefer new perks over a pay raise.
While handsome benefits can't make up for a wayward company culture or meaningless work, cool perks clearly can make a big difference. So what are you up against when designing your benefits package? The competition looks pretty stiff, according to Glassdoor, which also rounded up some of the country's coolest perks as part of the review. Check out the top 20 below (either to drool in envy or to get some ideas for the kind of carrots you might offer employees):
  1. Netflix: One paid year of parental leave to new parents. Parents also have the flexibility to work part-time if they prefer or take time off as needed.
  2. REI: "Yay Days," two paid days for the outdoor activity of an employee's' choice per year.
  3. Salesforce: Six days of paid volunteer time off a year. If they use all six, they receive a $1,000 grant to donate to a charity of their choice.
  4. Spotify: Six months of paid parental leave, plus one month of flexible work options for parents returning to work. Egg freezing and fertility assistance are also on the company.
  5. World Wildlife Fund: "Panda Fridays," a paid day off every other Friday (no idea what pandas have to do with it.)
  6. Airbnb: An annual stipend of $2,000 to travel and stay in an Airbnb listing anywhere in the world.
  7. PwC: $1,200 per year for student loan debt reimbursement.
  8. Pinterest: Three paid months of parental leave, plus an additional month of part-time hours, as well as two counseling sessions to create a plan to re-enter the workplace.
  9. Burton: Season ski passes and "snow days" to hit the slopes after a big snowfall.
  10. Twilio: A Kindle plus $30 a month to purchase books.
  11. Twitter: Three catered meals a day, on-site acupuncture, and improv classes.
  12. Accenture: The company coverys gender reassignment for their employees as part of their commitment to LGBTQ rights and diversity.
  13. Walt Disney Company: Free admission to its parks for employees, plus their friends and family, as well as discounts on hotels and merchandise.
  14. Facebook: $4,000 in "Baby Cash" to employees with a newborn.
  15. Evernote: "Evernote Academy" offers team-building courses like macaroon baking.
  16. Epic Systems Corporation: A paid four-week sabbatical to pursue their creative talents after five years at the company.
  17. Adobe: The entire company shuts down for one week in December and one week over the summer.
  18. Asana: Access to executive and life coaching services outside of the company.
  19. Zillow: Traveling employees can ship their milk on the company.
  20. Google: The surviving spouse or partner of a deceased employee receives 50 percent of their salary for the next ten years.
Which of these benefits do you most covet?
Source: inc.