Blog Archive

Success in Less Time

 
Many times you're actually much closer to achieving your goals and dreams. Many people also promise themselves or start successful but just a few months down the line, they burn out and give up, because they think it is hard to achieve any success in life.
 
That is because HABITS are a thousand times more powerful than your PLANS. Unsuccessful people have habit to drop. Success is habit with certain people. If you don't change your habits,  then you won't change your future!

There are GOOD news, is that there are many different ways to change the habits that will lead you to success, wealth, good health, and abundance.

MOTIVATION is Great, But Not Enough on Its Own - motivation doesn't last for long time. Like taking bath, you'll need motivation EVERY SINGLE DAY for it to be effective. Missing your daily dose can set you back dramatically to the original point. And even if you DO get your daily dose of motivation, without the proper practical guidance, by itself it's not enough to achieve any long-term success. In Motivation You have to be a lifelong commitment of learning, acting, and adjusting – and for most of us, that's time we just don't have.

WILLPOWER - Sounds Good, But Depend– will power has a sketchy success rate at best. - willpower means you're basically fighting against yourself. In other words, your conscious mind comes into conflict with your UNCONSCIOUS mind And when you're in conflict, you achieve nothing.
 
MEDITATION HYPNOSIS - By Far the Fastest, Most Effective Path to Success
This has surprisingly successful results. It works by re-shaping your UNCONSCIOUS mind. Hypnotism gets rid of those bad habits and distractions that hold you back from achieving your goals, and help you focus ONLY on the beliefs, situations, actions, and decisions that move you closer to success with every step you take. Hypnotism works almost INSTANTLY, and its positive effects last your entire life. you'll achieve much more in much less time! It's a faster, easier, and definitely cheaper way to reap the benefits of hypnosis, and apply it to all areas of your life.
 
You can win over your any habit – drinking – smoking – food intake – wrong behavior or any dam thing. And practice any good behavior which you are not able to get through.
Picture source

Thoughts in Solitude

Thoughts in Solitude thumbnail
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Thomas Merton
Ask me not where I live or what I like to eat…. Ask me what I am living for and what I think is keeping me from living fully that….
Words stand between silence and silence: between the silence of things and the silence of our own being. Between the silence of the world and the silence of God. When we have really met and known the world in silence, words do not separate us from the world nor from other men, nor from God, nor from ourselves because we no longer trust entirely in language to contain reality….
The spiritual life is first of all a life. It is not merely something to be known and studied, it is to be lived….
The only thing to seek in contemplative prayer is God; and we seek Him successfully when we realize that we cannot find Him unless we have a pursuit of finding him yet at the same time that He would not have inspired us to seek Him unless we had already found Him….
There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with realities outside and above us….
My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please you does in fact please you. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything APART from that desire. And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road though I may know nothing about it. Therefore will I trust you always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.
From Thoughts in Solitude (1956)

Feeling Inferior and Jealous!



Many always keep on comparing themselves to others who are doing well and feel so feel themselves discouraged.
These thoughts can become obsessive and of course this gets in the way of positive personal development. What is the nature of jealousy and how do we eliminate it? ” Ok, so first of all: Jealousy of others (Envy) is a very common personal issue and a lot of people are struggling with it.
Why Do one Compare to Others? - It is the fear of inferiority. Feeling inferior or inadequate is really hard to tolerate, so we do anything to check if there is a slight chance of being inadequate.  This is more likely to be the inability to accept that someone else is better. If you are comparing this would mean the other person is superior to you, and therefore you are inferior.
But all this is inner confusion. - What does that mean? It means that you realize on a deep level that you can’t possibly be inferior. You Are Enough: “At the core, we are all equal. Nobody is more worthy than somebody else. This is the truth.” You are a unique human individual and have the same essential rights as everybody else. You just need to recognize this truth inside of yourself and trust yourself on it.
If you really have habit of comparing yourself all the time, Change both your physical and mental state.

In order to break out of the cycle of comparing and envy, you need to focus on yourself again. You need to find your own strengths. - what is right for you. What fulfills you and makes you happy? What are your personal goals? How can you grow? Where do you excel and shine as a human being?
 
Then you create your own compass to guide you. You don’t need any external approval anymore. If you start living on your own terms like this, you develop this inner strength and comparing yourself won’t feel even necessary any more. Be proud of yourself. What did you do right? Where did you get complimented on?
 
Truly wealthy is not who has all the things but who is content with what she/he has. The emotion of gratitude makes room for new things to come into your life. That doesn’t mean that you will suppress your desire to get ahead. But you want to appreciate what you already have. Simplify your life to become more content.
 
You have to bring up the courage to develop your own, individual potential. this only would confirm that you are best. Almost everything can change and sometimes it’s just the act of allowing yourself to change. The moment you start, you’ll discover that the reality looks much better than you thought it to be.
 
Use jealousy for yourself to grow. Use any negative emotional energy as an inspiration and transform it into positive drive for change.

Instead of saying this is who I am and then feeling bad about it, think about where you want to be and start to grow into this direction. Jealousy only happens if you buy into the idea that you can’t change anything. So get inspired and go.
 
You can also just enjoy that someone else is doing great too. A mature human being is able to acknowledge the successes of others and even enjoy them. If you follow your own goals and successes and do the best you can to – for yourself – then this is giving you the basis for inner contentment. Then you can shine and let others shine too.
This encourages you to just live your own life, and not look at what others are doing.
 

The Value Of Optimism

 

When faced with problems it can seem difficult to maintain inner cheer, the mind gets caught up with more and more negativity, fear or worry. Because of this, the problem seems bigger than it is and we lose the ability to find solutions and work constructively.
The first step I need to take when I recognise a problem is to smile to myself. When I make sure I am happy within, I know that every situation will pass and has something to teach me. Then I will find solutions come more quickly and easily.

How to Deal with Rejection in Any Situation

Cyanide and Happiness on rejection

Imagine this situation: You just finish a job interview and seemed to have aced the interview. You took two weeks to prepare for the interview, and you made sure you had slick, impressive answers ready for any possible question. Your résumé took hours to get perfect. You are going to get this job.

A long week later, the phone rings. Your stomach is in knots. Almost breathless with excitement, you pick up. “We’re sorry,” an unsympathetic voice tells you. “The position is filled.”
How do you feel? Probably crushed. Anger and confusion pulse through you. You wonder what the person who got the job has that you don’t – perhaps they interviewed better than you, they had more experience, or perhaps you did something horribly wrong. You might respond with venom. “I never really wanted that job, anyway.” Or you mind find yourself feeling depressed and de-motivated…if you can’t even get a job you pour your heart into, what hope is there for your future?

Change the scenario to sales and the same pain plays out. Rejection is painful in its many forms. A romantic partner has probably left you, or you didn’t get a job. Less obvious situations can trigger feelings of rejection; a friend cancelling on your dinner date at the last minute, a store clerk who doesn’t return your smile, the party you weren’t invited to. Rejection can sting.

Rejection is About Shame

John Bradshaw in his book Healing the Shame That Binds You, argues that we all carry around the idea that we are inherently flawed and inferior. He calls it a sense of shame. The shame can perpetuate by retaining a burden of sin in religion and the media giving us ideals that are almost impossible to live up to. Rejection stabs at our core, because we are social beings, and by our nature we obsess with what people think about us.
You learned about the world around you by asking other people when you were a child. If your teacher pointed to a new object and told you it was rhinoceros, then that’s what it was. Our knowledge about ourselves mostly comes from other people. We “learn” we are great or inferior based on how others treat us. Rejection tells us what we fear on the inside: we are flawed, defective, and unlovable.
Emotions are a form of energy in motion. They signal us of a loss, a threat or a satiation. Sadness is about losing something we cherish. Anger and fear are signal of actual or impending threats to our well-being. Joy signals that we are fulfilled and satisfied. Whenever a child is shamed through some form of abandonment, feelings of anger, hurt and sadness arise. Since shame-based parents are shame bound in all their emotions, they cannot tolerate their children’s emotions. Therefore, they shame their children’s emotions. When their emotions are shamed, children numb out, so they don’t feel their emotions.John Bradshaw
Rejection is inevitable. It is impossible to always get exactly what you want, for everybody to behave exactly as you want them to. What can you do to stop yourself from spiraling into a pit of despair every time a potential lover turns you down or a new job prospect chooses another client over you?
Did you know that J. K. Rowling had her Harry Potter books rejected by twelve publishers before they hit the big-time? 302 companies allegedly turned down Walt Disney for funding before getting it for Disney World. Over a thousand restaurant owners rejected Colonel Sanders’ fried chicken recipe.
How different would things be if these people stopped at the first hurdle, and let rejection stop them from trying again? Their experiences show that it is not about what happens to you, but about how you respond to rejection.
There are practical steps you can take for improvement to decrease your chances of being rejected such as taking care of your appearance, learning interview or flirting skills, and building a good résumé. The most powerful tool for handling rejection is your mind. By changing the way you look at rejection, you free yourself from the pain it usually brings.
Here are the powerful ways to handle rejection:

See the Experience as a Learning Opportunity

You poured your heart and soul into that relationship, and broke up. The easy solution is to feel sorry for yourself, to wonder why you just can’t keep a great relationship, or to feel angry that the ex couldn’t see what a great asset you’d be.
See it as an opportunity to learn something instead of viewing the rejection as a negative event. You’re on the right track when you replay moments of conflict and wonder what you did wrong. Keep it realistic. Think about what you could have done better instead of thinking of what “messed things up”.
For a job interview, ask the interviewer what advice they can give you for the future. Some companies are busy and don’t have the time to answer such queries. You might receive useful feedback about what would have helped your interview.
Imagine a world that never rejected you. What would you learn about yourself?
Imagine a world that never rejected you. What would you learn about yourself? Not much! Go into a situation ready to do your best with an openness to learn instead of letting your ego take a massive blow every time you hear a “no”.
This reframe is effective. Think of it as trial and error toward your formula for success rather than “I’m putting myself out there”. If you don’t get the job, look at what you can do better next time. If you do get the job, note down what helped you. I encourage you to learn more about NLP presuppositions and get Mind-Lines for a healthy perspective on anything.
Differentiate between rejections you had control over, and rejection that was inevitable. If you propose to a married woman on your first date or ask for a job at a firm that isn’t hiring, then the rejection is a result of circumstance, not your approach. For those things you can control, think about what you can learn from this rejection, and don’t be afraid to ask for help along the way.

Get Over Perfectionism

When perfectionism is driving…Shame is always riding shotgun.Brene’ Brown, author of Rising Strong
If you’re the kind of person who spends hours getting things “just right”, it can be really hard to accept negative feedback. Imagine you’ve spend hours getting ready to go out, only to be rejected by every woman at the bar.
What’s going on? Surely you look amazing…the problem must be theirs. You tell yourself these women must all be blind, or frigid, if they can’t see how amazing you are. This kind of thinking can lead you to ignore rejection and focus on bitter, angry thoughts toward the people who rejected you.
Be careful of thoughts like “They should recognize how great a catch I am” or “It’s their fault they can’t see what I great lover I’d make”. This takes away your power to do something, and leaves the judgement in the hands of others. Nobody is perfect, and you are no exception.
Once you let go of the idea of perfection, you can start to accept criticism and rejection a little more. Rather than every woman in the bar being blind to your awesomeness, consider that you might need to re-evaluate the way you approach them.
Good writers know the danger of perfectionism. An effective way to write a book loved by Timothy Ferriss, author of three bestsellers on business and self-optimization, is to deliver sections of a book to various people early on in the process. That way feedback is given early to determine what should be edited. Any big project can be broken into small runs with some aspect of feedback to direct future actions, rather than one big delivery at the end that can setup the project for rejection because no one likes it.

Look Out for Faulty Attributions

We don’t always think clearly when we reel from the pain of rejection. Rejection can lead to illogical thoughts that drag us deeper down into depression and self-pity.
Imagine you have been on two dates with a new girl. You thought things were going well, but she cancels your third date without warning and you don’t hear from her again. Do you immediately think, “Well, she’s probably very busy. Besides, I might have put her off with all that talk about psychology.”
Psychologists found that people who make global, stable, and internal attributions are more likely to be depressed…
Not everybody is this logical. How often have you ended up thinking “I’m so unlovable! Nobody will ever want to be with me because I’m so boring/stupid/ugly. Why do chicks always reject me? I’m so useless. No wonder my friends never want to see me!”
As humans, we naturally seek order from chaos. We try to find patterns in everything, so we look at our rejection to date and imagine the same will happen in the future.
Attribution theory looks at how the way we do this affects our levels of happiness. When you imagine one rejection means nobody will ever want you, ever, you are making an unrealistic attribution. You assume one time = always; this is known as stable attribution.
What’s worse, you decide you must possess a rainbow of negative qualities that caused the rejection, and it is your own fault (internal attribution). You might start thinking of all the other aspects of your life in which you’ve been rejected (global attribution).
Psychologists found that people who make global, stable, and internal attributions are more likely to be depressed than those who use the opposite attributions. Those who realize the rejection only applies to the current situation (e.g. this one chick), there are factors beyond their own control, and this particular example is only relevant to the dating scene, are much likelier to be happy.
In moments of self-pity, you will only remember experiences that back up your theory of rejection and ignore any experiences of acceptance. This is known as confirmation bias: we selectively recall information that suits us at the time.
When you find yourself thinking like this, ask yourself what evidence you have that the same thing will happen in the future. Look at all the possible reasons you were turned down. Ask yourself whether it is logical to extend rejection in one sphere (dating) to another (friendship or jobs). Recognizing your brain’s thought patterns will help you to change them.
Cyanide and Happiness on rejection

See the Doors Rejection Can Open

Toxically shamed people tend to become more and more stagnant as life goes on. They live in a guarded, secretive and defensive way. They try to be more than human (perfect and controlling) or less than human (losing interest in life or stagnated in some addictive behavior).John Bradshaw
The first experience of major rejection can hurt if we fail to feel a reliable source of love. Perhaps your mother refused to hug you, a classmate didn’t let you join in their games, or a teacher gave you a bad grade. You learn that being turned down is bad. From then you likely tout rejection as a negative experience. Rejection is seen as something to avoid and suffer through.
Imagine you are strongly attracted to one of your friends. One day, you tell them how you feel. Your friend is surprised, and kindly says their feelings for you are platonic. You may feel awful. You put your heart on the line then were shot down.
Your friend gets with someone and, and two years later they get married. However, things don’t go as you expected. After only a few months, it seems there’s trouble in paradise – it turns out your friend is very jealous and possessive when in a relationship (a trait you can’t stand).
Soon after, you meet somebody else. They’re everything you ever wanted in a partner. You wonder why you ever felt so torn up after being rejected by your friend, and you realize your life would be very different if they hadn’t rejected you.
Rejection can sometimes be a blessing in disguise. In this scenario, without it you wouldn’t have met your wonderful new partner and you might be trying to handle your friend’s romantic jealousy. While the sting of rejection can feel bad in the short-term, realize in the long-term, it might be much better for you.
Think about the new possibilities that lie ahead of you following rejection. Move on from what has happened with a focus on what you can do now. One door may have closed, but a hundred doors are waiting for you. You are free to approach anybody else when split from a potential lover, as being turned down for a job means a wealth of new doors are waiting for you to knock.

Seek Rejection

When you hear the word “NO”, you may shut down. It can feel like a door slamming in our face. Imagine you are trying to win a new client for your business. After wining and dining them and giving your best sales pitch, they still say no. Exhausted, you feel like giving up.
Motivational speakers Richard Fenton and Andrea Waltz argue that we think about the word “no” in the wrong way. Instead of setting goals for how many “yes” answers we receive, they say we should aim for a specific number of “no” responses. Not surprisingly, their website is GoForNo.com.
If you tell yourself you will get three “yes” responses in one week, you will probably stop once you have them. If, instead, you tell yourself you won’t stop until you have received two hundred “no” responses, then two things happen:
  1. You increase the chances of hearing a yes.
  2. You come to think of “no” as something you want to hear.
Instead of panicking before a potential rejection, you anticipate it, and even feel the same as you would from a “yes”.

Don’t Take it Personally

You’re at a party and don’t know many people. You take a deep breath then approach a group of strangers. They smile and say hello, but you can tell that they don’t want to talk to you. After a few minutes, they make excuses and go their separate ways.
Bonus Tips to Heal the Pain From Rejection
  1. Go out of your way each day over the next seven days to do a nice act for someone. Bradshaw says, “Giving and receiving unconditional love is the most effective and powerful way to personal wholeness and happiness.”
  2. Focus on compassion for others and loving yourself, rather than hatred.
  3. Love is healing. Accepting Christ’s infinite source of love helped me heal.
  4. Brene’ Brown has a good Ted Talk on vulnerability. She says, “If we share our story with someone who responds with empathy and understanding, shame can’t survive.”
  5. Read autobiographies of famous people you respect. I recommend Open by Andre Agassi. You will frequently encounter stories of hurt. Use the experiences of others to externalize rejection as opposed to internalizing it.
A thousand scenarios play through your head. They’re going to regroup, away from you. They didn’t like you. Perhaps you weren’t charming enough, you left a bad first impression, or your energy in entering the conversation was too below theirs. It might be that your appearance put them off. You talk about it with friends later on and they give you bad advice of “just be yourself“.

Rejection can feel personal. It attacks every part of you. To you, these people were not just walking away from a stranger at a party, but from everything that makes you.

Think about it from the other people’s perspective. Perhaps they didn’t know what to do. They might have been in the middle of a personal discussion, which they didn’t want anyone else to hear. To them, you were a random person they knew nothing about.

When you put your soul into something (like summoning the courage to say hello) and lack the lessons in this article, you can feel your very core is rejected. Again, look at things from the other people’s perspective. A man who turns you down for a date might still be in love with his ex. A company who fails to get back to you might be swamped from identical mail.

It might help to think about the times you have rejected others. Have you accepted every offer of a date or had a long conversation with everyone that approached you? Have you bought something from each salesperson that stopped you on the street?

We reject people all the time, whether it’s ignoring the homeless person begging for change or forgetting to reply to a text message. It can hurt being on that side too! Let it be a lesson of compassion.

Giving and receiving rejection is a natural part of life. The most empowering thing you can do is see you have a choice in how you respond to rejection.

Criticism - The Creativity Killer ?

www.wisdomtimes.com
By Junaid Tahir
  Ideally speaking, Criticism is the act of analyzing someone or something (such as an article, video, book, product  service etc) with the intention of improving personnel, product or services. However in the day to day life, you will meet so many people criticizing with the negative intentions. For example they do this to defame, discourage and demotivate others. So it is usually used in negative sense although criticizing does not necessarily means to find fault. In this article I shall give my comments in two categories. First, when you are being criticized and second when you are criticizing:


1-  When you are being criticized:

a)    Take it positive. There is  a chance that your well wisher has rightly drawn your attention to something for which there is a dire need for improvement. If this is the case, be grateful to the person who helped you identified the aspect of improvement and move towards the corrective actions.

b)   There is a chance that the criticism is being done just to depress you. Analyze is carefully. If required, seek advice from some friend or colleague about this negative feedback. If feedback meant to be good, see point-1 else shun it right way not allowing you to disturb your peace of mind.





2-  When you are criticizing someone/something:

a)    Always remember that negative criticism results in generation of negative energies so try to criticize in a positive and encouraging manager. Do not become the 'full-stop' for someone's creativity.

b)   Whenever you are about to criticize; ask yourself whether your intention is to help assist the person or you are just going to spread negativity which will consequently result in corrosion on someone's creative skills.

c)    If you really want to criticize someone, do it in an encouraging way. Try to give your comments in multiple groups so that the person understands your feedback and segregate it easily so that he can transform your suggestions in to corrective actions.

d)   Remember the fact that the act of complaining is taking criticism to the next level which is even more damaging and dangerous. So try to remain inside the limits of criticism instead of complaints.



Having said that, there are bad mouthed people who are in habit of constant criticism, regardless of their mental comprehension of things. Be aware of them. They are polluting not only themselves but the environment as well and ultimately impacting you, your product, your skills and/or your services. They are spreading negativity. 
 

Closing my article with the famous quote that says "Instead of criticizing others, become the change you wish to see in the world"
Credit: Article Originally Appeared on DTM
 

A Good Laugh - Dilbert's one liners

www.bookdepository.com



🔺 A friend in need is a pest indeed.
🔺 Marriage is one of the chief causes of divorce.
🔺 Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
🔺 When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
🔺 The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
🔺 Born free, taxed to death.
🔺 Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
🔺 Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
🔺 Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
🔺 If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
🔺 It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
🔺 I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork..
🔺 A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
🔺 The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
🔺 The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
🔺 In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
🔺 If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
🔺 Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
🔺 If you can't convince them, confuse them.
🔺 It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
🔺 I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
🔺 The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
🔺 Someday is not a day of the week
🔺 Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
🔺 The road to success.... Is always under construction.

Tech: Performance Test of My Internet Connection


It’s one thing to just hit up SpeedTest.net to get a rough idea of your internet connection speed, but what if you want to conduct more extensive testing over time to see if you’re really getting your money’s worth from your ISP?

The Question
KronoS is in an interesting position: he has access to his old internet connection and his new internet connection for a period of time. During this period he wants to test them out:
Right now I’m in the process of possibly switching from a Cable provider to a DSL provider. I have both connections live, and before I cancel one or the other, I’m wanting to do some exhaustive testing of the internet connection. I have three major questions:
  1. What are some approaches that I can quantitatively test the speeds (both up and down) and quality of my internet connections (ping, time connection is down, etc,.)?
  2. Are there other consideration that should be taken when testing an internet connection?
  3. Are there any tools that can do this automatically and capture results?
Overall, I’m looking to compare the two connections over multiple periods of time such as peak hours (1600 – 2100 in my area), and with different loads such as streaming movies, uploading files, etc,.
What’s the best method for quantitatively measuring different aspects of the data connections?

The Answer

Dennis offers the following battery of tests to try out:
The Broadband Tests and Tools from DSLReports.com include a simple speed test, as well as long- and short-term line quality tests:
1. Speed Tests
Test your maximum upload speed and download speed from several geographically distributed locations.
Java, Flash and iPhone speed test (100% browser) available.
2. Smokeping
Intensively monitor an IP address for 24 or more hours to review packet loss and/or excessive latency variability — from three different US locations

3. Line Quality – Ping Test

Test latency, jitter and packet loss to your IP address, including identification of any problems en-route to you.
The speed test requires Flash or Java; the other two require that your IP is pingable.
In the absence of a specialized tool for long-term speed tests, you could use a command-line network retriever (e.g. Wget or Wget for Windows) and download uncompressable test files with a shell/batch script.
The nearest test files to Arizona I could find are from speedtest.dal01.softlayer.com (Dallas, TX) and speedtest.sea01.softlayer.com (Seattle, WA).

5 Reasons Why You Should Never Compare Your Kids with Others

Comparison is the death of joy - Mark Twain

The words cruise out of our mouths inadvertently. "Look at him/her, she is so much better than you" or "Why can't you be more like him/her?". Why do we compare our children with others? As much as we want to refrain from it, we end up doing it. Is it an inevitable human trait or can we resist the impulse if we try?
Well, "comparison" is counter-productive for anyone. But it is all the more debasing for children. Children are tender beings and they do not take too well to negative criticism. And if the criticism involves telling them how others are better than they are in some way, then it is all the more painful. This does not mean that we shouldn't point out their mistakes and help them improve, but anything beyond this is overkill.
Every child is different. In the present age, where competition has spread its tentacles in every walk of life, it is crucial to teach our kids to be grounded. And comparing them at each step will just not help. They should be taught to better themselves with each day, not to be better than their counterparts.
"To constantly harangue them about how much better others are will do nothing but lay the foundation for an inferiority complex."
It is natural to want to know where our children stand amidst others, in this world of ranks and percentages and where everyone is bidding for that coveted seat in a top school or university. But to constantly harangue them about how much better others are will do nothing but lay the foundation for an inferiority complex. Here are some reasons why we should not compare our children with others.
1. It will cause self-doubt
If we are told by someone that we are not good at something and that there are others out there who are excel at it, slowly but steadily self-doubt will grow. Our children will be left wondering if they can ever be good enough. Our job as parents is to encourage them at every step they take, not remind them of who else is ahead.
2. Jealousy will take root
If you keep comparing your child with an apparent paragon of virtue, he or she may begin to suffer from pangs of extreme jealousy. It can be a neighbourhood kid, a classmate, a cousin and so on. Jealousy is not a very healthy feeling to harbour and the poor child will be tormented by jealousy which could all to easily turn into hatred, and perhaps even aggression.
3. It will breed negativity
When others are always being built up and the child torn down, he or she could become negative - why even try if you can never measure up, after all? Rather than embracing new tasks and challenges with a positive spirit, the child's assumptions about himself and the outcomes of what he or she does will be negative. Negativity is not at all good for a person's well being. We all want to raise children who are positive and who spread happiness around.
4. It will damage the parent-child relationship
If you tell your child time and again that the neighbour's kid is better than her, she will eventually start despising you. Children are emotionally vulnerable. They may not be able to see the bigger picture and that you are concerned for them. Instead, they will feel that you are not on their side.
5. They will grow into jittery and nervous adults
Parents who compare their kids at the drop of a hat will eventually make their kids nervous and jittery. The child may become excessively focused on pleasing the parents (and others) and will constantly feel they are not meeting expectations. They will lose their natural confidence and autonomy.
Parenting is the most difficult job in the world and there is no such thing as the "ideal parent". But, we are the first teachers of our children. We are the ones they look up to and we are the ones they come to when they are low. So, it is our duty to strive to put our best foot forward, to let our kids grow each day in a positive environment. Let us tell them every day how special they are.
A version of this blog first appeared here.

Story: Attachment in Detachment

www.kashifaziz.me

When my daughter, the older of my two, wed and left home, I felt a part of me gone.
I specially dedicate this post to my friends, who are totally dependent on their children's lives, to nurture their own selves emotionally.
Please develop your own interests, hobbies etc, however mundane they seem to be..