Blog Archive

Learn From Your Heart

Image result for life from heart

Learn life from Heart..
It’s been
Played, Stabbed, Cheated
Burned and Broken
But Somehow still works..
Always Remember
life give you the taste of everything
But Never Quit..

Humor: Episodes of my life if I were a Doctor!

Stress is Everywhere!



Stress Everywhere

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Yes, that's right! Stress is everywhere.
But let me tell you one thing politely: "Happiness is also everywhere, happiness is all around us"

You can't feel it? Cant experience it? The reason is that your thoughts are more focused on the problems than happiness. All it requires a little practice to tune your mind with happiness and pleasure. Once done, believe me, your stress will be reduced to minimum.

Stress Management is an art, not difficult to understand as long as you are committed to learn it. Once you acquire this skill, you can handle almost all kinds of situations of life.
To begin with, here are some articles chosen for you. Happy Reading!

The PHILOSOPHY of Happy Life
The Secret Of Happiness is Hidden
How To Avoid Anxiety
What Stress Actually Does to You and What You Can Do About It
30 Simple Ways to Reduce Stress at Work
10 Principles for Peace of Mind
50 Encouraging Things to Say to Yourself
25+ Small Habits To Lead A More Peaceful Life

 





How Successful People Stay Calm

The ability to manage your emotions and remain calm under pressure has a direct link to your performance. TalentSmart has conducted research with more than a million people, and we've found that 90% of top performers are skilled at managing their emotions in times of stress in order to remain calm and in control. 

If you follow our newsletter, you've read some startling research summaries that explore the havoc stress can wreak on one's physical and mental health (such as the Yale study, which found that prolonged stress causes degeneration in the area of the brain responsible for self-control). The tricky thing about stress (and the anxiety that comes with it) is that it's an absolutely necessary emotion. Our brains are wired such that it's difficult to take action until we feel at least some level of this emotional state. In fact, performance peaks under the heightened activation that comes with moderate levels of stress. As long as the stress isn't prolonged, it's harmless.
New research from the University of California, Berkeley, reveals an upside to experiencing moderate levels of stress. But it also reinforces how important it is to keep stress under control. The study, led by post-doctoral fellow Elizabeth Kirby, found that the onset of stress entices the brain into growing new cells responsible for improved memory. However, this effect is only seen when stress is intermittent. As soon as the stress continues beyond a few moments into a prolonged state, it suppresses the brain's ability to develop new cells.
"I think intermittent stressful events are probably what keeps the brain more alert, and you perform better when you are alert," Kirby says. For animals, intermittent stress is the bulk of what they experience, in the form of physical threats in their immediate environment. Long ago, this was also the case for humans. As the human brain evolved and increased in complexity, we've developed the ability to worry and perseverate on events, which creates frequent experiences of prolonged stress.
Besides increasing your risk of heart disease, depression, and obesity, stress decreases your cognitive performance. Fortunately, though, unless a lion is chasing you, the bulk of your stress is subjective and under your control. Top performers have well-honed coping strategies that they employ under stressful circumstances. This lowers their stress levels regardless of what's happening in their environment, ensuring that the stress they experience is intermittent and not prolonged.

While I've run across numerous effective strategies that successful people employ when faced with stress, what follows are ten of the best. Some of these strategies may seem obvious, but the real challenge lies in recognizing when you need to use them and having the wherewithal to actually do so in spite of your stress.

They Appreciate What They Have
Taking time to contemplate what you're grateful for isn't merely the "right" thing to do. It also improves your mood, because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California, Davis found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy, and physical well-being. It's likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.

They Avoid Asking "What If?"
"What if?" statements throw fuel on the fire of stress and worry. Things can go in a million different directions, and the more time you spend worrying about the possibilities, the less time you'll spend focusing on taking action that will calm you down and keep your stress under control. Calm people know that asking "what if? will only take them to a place they don't want—or need—to go.

They Stay Positive
Positive thoughts help make stress intermittent by focusing your brain's attention onto something that is completely stress-free. You have to give your wandering brain a little help by consciously selecting something positive to think about. Any positive thought will do to refocus your attention. When things are going well, and your mood is good, this is relatively easy. When things are going poorly, and your mind is flooded with negative thoughts, this can be a challenge. In these moments, think about your day and identify one positive thing that happened, no matter how small. If you can't think of something from the current day, reflect on the previous day or even the previous week. Or perhaps you're looking forward to an exciting event that you can focus your attention on. The point here is that you must have something positive that you're ready to shift your attention to when your thoughts turn negative.

They Disconnect
Given the importance of keeping stress intermittent, it's easy to see how taking regular time off the grid can help keep your stress under control. When you make yourself available to your work 24/7, you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even—gulp!—turning off your phone gives your body a break from a constant source of stress. Studies have shown that something as simple as an email break can lower stress levels.
Technology enables constant communication and the expectation that you should be available 24/7. It is extremely difficult to enjoy a stress-free moment outside of work when an email that will change your train of thought and get you thinking (read: stressing) about work can drop onto your phone at any moment. If detaching yourself from work-related communication on weekday evenings is too big a challenge, then how about the weekend? Choose blocks of time where you cut the cord and go offline. You'll be amazed at how refreshing these breaks are and how they reduce stress by putting a mental recharge into your weekly schedule. If you're worried about the negative repercussions of taking this step, first try doing it at times when you're unlikely to be contacted—maybe Sunday morning. As you grow more comfortable with it, and as your coworkers begin to accept the time you spend offline, gradually expand the amount of time you spend away from technology.

They Limit Their Caffeine Intake
Drinking caffeine triggers the release of adrenaline. Adrenaline is the source of the "fight-or-flight" response, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. The fight-or-flight mechanism sidesteps rational thinking in favor of a faster response. This is great when a bear is chasing you, but not so great when you're responding to a curt email. When caffeine puts your brain and body into this hyperaroused state of stress, your emotions overrun your behavior. The stress that caffeine creates is far from intermittent, as its long half-life ensures that it takes its sweet time working its way out of your body.

They Sleep
I've beaten this one to death over the years and can't say enough about the importance of sleep to increasing your emotional intelligence and managing your stress levels. When you sleep, your brain literally recharges, shuffling through the day's memories and storing or discarding them (which causes dreams), so that you wake up alert and clear-headed. Your self-control, attention, and memory are all reduced when you don't get enough—or the right kind—of sleep. Sleep deprivation raises stress hormone levels on its own, even without a stressor present. Stressful projects often make you feel as if you have no time to sleep, but taking the time to get a decent night's sleep is often the one thing keeping you from getting things under control.

They Squash Negative Self-Talk
A big step in managing stress involves stopping negative self-talk in its tracks. The more you ruminate on negative thoughts, the more power you give them. Most of our negative thoughts are just that—thoughts, not facts. When you find yourself believing the negative and pessimistic things your inner voice says, it's time to stop and write them down. Literally stop what you're doing and write down what you're thinking. Once you've taken a moment to slow down the negative momentum of your thoughts, you will be more rational and clear-headed in evaluating their veracity.
You can bet that your statements aren't true any time you use words like "never," "worst," "ever," etc. If your statements still look like facts once they're on paper, take them to a friend or colleague you trust and see if he or she agrees with you. Then the truth will surely come out. When it feels like something always or never happens, this is just your brain's natural threat tendency inflating the perceived frequency or severity of an event. Identifying and labeling your thoughts as thoughts by separating them from the facts will help you escape the cycle of negativity and move toward a positive new outlook.

They Reframe Their Perspective
Stress and worry are fueled by our own skewed perception of events. It's easy to think that unrealistic deadlines, unforgiving bosses, and out-of-control traffic are the reasons we're so stressed all the time. You can't control your circumstances, but you can control how you respond to them. So before you spend too much time dwelling on something, take a minute to put the situation in perspective. If you aren't sure when you need to do this, try looking for clues that your anxiety may not be proportional to the stressor. If you're thinking in broad, sweeping statements such as "Everything is going wrong" or "Nothing will work out," then you need to reframe the situation. A great way to correct this unproductive thought pattern is to list the specific things that actually are going wrong or not working out. Most likely you will come up with just some things—not everything—and the scope of these stressors will look much more limited than it initially appeared.

They Breathe
The easiest way to make stress intermittent lies in something that you have to do everyday anyway: breathing. The practice of being in the moment with your breathing will begin to train your brain to focus solely on the task at hand and get the stress monkey off your back. When you're feeling stressed, take a couple of minutes to focus on your breathing. Close the door, put away all other distractions, and just sit in a chair and breathe. The goal is to spend the entire time focused only on your breathing, which will prevent your mind from wandering. Think about how it feels to breathe in and out. This sounds simple, but it's hard to do for more than a minute or two. It's all right if you get sidetracked by another thought; this is sure to happen at the beginning, and you just need to bring your focus back to your breathing. If staying focused on your breathing proves to be a real struggle, try counting each breath in and out until you get to 20, and then start again from 1. Don't worry if you lose count; you can always just start over.
This task may seem too easy or even a little silly, but you'll be surprised by how calm you feel afterward and how much easier it is to let go of distracting thoughts that otherwise seem to have lodged permanently inside your brain. 

They Use Their Support System
It's tempting, yet entirely ineffective, to attempt tackling everything by yourself. To be calm and productive, you need to recognize your weaknesses and ask for help when you need it. This means tapping into your support system when a situation is challenging enough for you to feel overwhelmed. Everyone has someone at work and/or outside work who is on their team, rooting for them, and ready to help them get the best from a difficult situation. Identify these individuals in your life and make an effort to seek their insight and assistance when you need it. Something as simple as talking about your worries will provide an outlet for your anxiety and stress and supply you with a new perspective on the situation. Most of the time, other people can see a solution that you can't because they are not as emotionally invested in the situation. Asking for help will mitigate your stress and strengthen your relationships with those you rely upon.
Authro: Dr. Travis Bradberry is the award-winning co-author of the #1 bestselling book, Emotional Intelligence 2.0, and the cofounder of TalentSmart,

Let It Go!

When somebody told me that he has failed in his exams, my question is, "Is it a law that you will pass everytime?"

When someone told me that my spouse broke up with me, my question is, "Is it a rule that you will have successful relationships everywhere?"

When somebody asked me why am I in depression, my question is, "Is it compulsory to have confidence all the time?"

When someone cried to me about his huge business loss due to his wrong decision, my question is, "Is it possible that you take all right decisions?"

The fact is our expectation that life has to be perfect/permanent is the biggest reason of our unhappiness.

One has to understand the law of impermanence of nature.

After each sunny day, there has to be a dark night, after each birth there have to be certain deaths, for the full moon to come again it has to pass through no moon. In this imperfection of nature, there is perfection.

So stop taking your failures and bad part of your life soooo personally or intensely. Prepare yourself for one more fight after each fall because even failures cannot be permanent...!

Enjoy life....

Your breath comes to go.
Your thoughts come to go.
Your words come to go.
Your actions come to go.
Your feelings come to go.
Your illnesses come to go.
Your phases come to go.
Your seasons come to go.
You have come to go.

Then why do you hold on to your guilt, anger, unforgiveness, hatred
so so so tightly, when it too has come to go...

LET IT GO...

8 Ways to Interrupt a Talkative Person

Once they open their mouths, some folks don’t know how to shut them. They seem unable to differentiate monologue from dialogue, dissertation from conversation, minutiae from significant details. 
  
When you’re in such a “conversation,” you may initially think of yourself as a good listener. However, it’s not long before you realize that you’ve become the captive audience for one who will drone on and on for as long as you allow it to happen.

Giving indirect hints that “enough is enough” usually doesn’t work. Hence, in such situations, you not only have a right to interrupt, you also have an obligation to do so to maintain your sanity.   
So how do you do it without coming across as rude?

Here are eight tips on how to interrupt an incessant talker with as much tact as possible:

Segue into another topic.
“That’s some story. But now I’d like to talk about something more upbeat.”

Be direct.
“I need to interrupt you. I want to tell you what happened to me yesterday.”

Use the person’s name (always an attention-getter), then redirect.
“Jen, I get what you’re saying; it happened to me too.”


Speak about your time situation.
“Jared, I only have another minute to chat.”


Help the person move forward.
“Bob, what’s the bottom line here?”


Give honest feedback(with a light touch, if you can).
“Maria, I haven’t been able to get a word in edgewise. Time to let me talk.”

Make an ending statement.
“I gotta go. I’m already late for an appointment. Talk to you another time.”


When all else fails,
there’s always the bathroom excuse.

If you think it’s rude, crude or insulting to implement these strategies, think again. They’re simply assertive ways to obtain your freedom when you’re being held hostage.

Story: Chicken, Chicken, Chicken

By Junaid Tahir

Colleague Faisal is a person who prefers to stay alone. He is kind of introvert person who does not mingle well with people. On Sunday noon time, he opens his lunch box and eats fried chicken which makes him feel good. On Monday noon, he opens the lunch box and eats fried chicken again. This time he does not like it as much as he did yesterday. On Tuesday, at lunch time, he opens the lunch box and finds fried chicken which he eats but this time I can feel irritation in his mood. Well, next comes the Wednesday, and guess what, he has fried chicken in his lunch box. He is annoyed to see fried chicken on fourth consecutive day but eats it without saying any words of complaint. On Thursday, just before the lunch break I converse:

"Most likely, you have fried chicken today"
"Yes"
"Why don't you ask your wife to give you something else for food which can keep your body healthy"
"I am unmarried, I pack my lunch myself"

"What !!! XoYz%*&%$O %$##  !@#%% "

Flash:This story might look strange but this is how we give mental food to our brains on daily basis. If we co-relate this story with a bad event of the past which we remember again and again, we are giving a special food called "Stress" to our mind on daily basis. Considering the fact that eating fried chicken on daily basis can lead our cholesterol levels towards danger zone causing chronic heart disease, can't we just think with common sense that giving stress to our brain and heart we are seriously impacting our body developing Sugar, High Blood Pressure, Heart blockage, Asthma, Anxiety and God know how many other diseases in the long run !!!

So the choice is yours. Either we keep feeding your brain the germs of negativity and stress  OR develop the power of not looking back and start living in today. Remember the fact that life never stops. People who live in their past, stop living on earth – or simply die soon. So we must exert our energies to bring something positive and fruitful today which can bring happiness in our life or in our loved ones' lives. About the problems we should develop the MGTD attitude: which means Meet them (confess the situation with no fear), Greet them (think positively), Treat them (focus on solution) and finally Defeat them (do practical things for eradication).

Ability, Motivation and Attitude

Image result for ability motivation and attitude\

ABILITY
Is what you are capable of Doing.
MOTIVATION
Determines what you do.
ATTITUDE
Determines how well you do it…
 

9 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings


The following is an excerpt from Sarah Cooper's new book, 100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings (October 4, Andrews McMeel)
In a brainstorming meeting, the pressure of coming up with incredible new ideas can be debilitating. Luckily, the last thing most corporations want is new ideas.
During these largely pointless exercises, the point is to contribute using the mere gravitas of your presence, make other people's ideas seem like your ideas, and look like a true leader by questioning the efficiency of the whole process.
Here are 9 tricks to make you look like you're the creative force on your team.
  1. Leave to get water and ask if anyone needs anything
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Just before the meeting starts, get up and ask if anyone needs anything. People will think you're so thoughtful, kind, and giving, plus you'll be able to disappear for 10 minutes no questions asked. Even if no one wants anything, return with bottles of water, soda, and snacks.
Your colleagues will feel compelled to start drinking and snacking, and your foresight will make them think you can really predict the future.

  1. Grab a pad of sticky notes and start drawing
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While the topics are being introduced, grab one of those sticky note pads and start drawing meaningless flowcharts. Your colleagues will look over at you with worried interest, wondering how you're coming up with so many complex ideas even before you know what this meeting is for.

  1. Make an analogy that's so simple it sounds deep
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When everyone is trying to define the problem, make an analogy about baking a cake, or something just as completely unrelated. Your colleagues will nod their heads in agreement, even if they really don't understand how what you're saying is related to what they're talking about. Talking completely over their heads will make you seem wildly transcendent and intimidatingly creative, even though the truth is you really just like cake.

  1. Ask if we're asking the right questions
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Nothing makes you seem smarter than when you question the questions by asking if they're the right questions. If someone responds by asking you what you think the right questions are, say you just asked one.

Sidebar: How to strategically shoot down small ideas
Wonder if an idea seems too small so your colleagues see you as a big thinker and a gamechanger.
Use one of these phrases:
  • But how is it disruptive?
  • Is this 10x?
  • Is this the future?
  • I thought that was dead.
  • What's the big Win?
  • But isn't Apple doing that?

  1. Use an idiom
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Using an idiom to question an idea is a subtle, smart way of questioning it. Here are some idioms to choose from:
  • Isn't that gilding the lily?
  • Isn't that putting lipstick on a pig?
  • Seems like we're polishing a turd.

  1. Develop a quirky, creative habit that 'gets your juices flowing'
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Develop a quirky habit that 'helps you think' and 'gets your creative juices flowing.' This could be anything from showing up in your pyjamas, meditating on the floor, jogging on the spot, throwing a ball against the wall, air drumming with your favourite drumsticks, or all of those things at the same time. Even if you're not actually coming up with any ideas, your colleagues will be intimidated by your uncontrollable creative energy.

Sidebar: How to strategically shoot down big ideas
Wonder if an idea seems too big so your superiors see how much you care about company resources.
Use one of these phrases:
  • Is it too disruptive?
  • How does this fit into the roadmap?
  • This seems like a pivot.
  • Isn't that a non-starter?
  • Isn't that out of scope?
  • But how would you test that?
  • Will that work internationally?

  1. Say how you think the CEO would respond
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Make your colleagues think that you have a very close relationship with the CEO by bringing up how you think she would respond to an idea. Mention your CEO by her first name. Say you might run this by her during your next powwow. Congratulate everyone for coming up with something she'd like. By associating yourself so closely with the CEO, people will start to think of you as some kind of CEO-in-training.
  1. Ask if we're creating the right framework, platform, or model
image8
You will always appear as if you're thinking bigger than everyone else by bringing up a framework for moving forward, or a model of thinking, or how we can turn this into a platform. It's a very meta way of blowing everyone's minds and masking the fact that you have no idea what everyone's talking about.
  1. When everyone seems to like an idea, yell out 'Ship it!'
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There'll come a point when everyone seems to be really excited about an idea or direction. At this point you should try to be the first person to yell out 'Ship it!' Sure, it's a funny thing to say that will make people laugh, but doing this will also convey some authority on your part to both end the meeting and make a final decision, even though you have no power to do either.
100 Tricks to Appear Smart in Meetings will be released October 4th. Pre-order it here and read more at 100Tricks.com.


10 Phrases You Shouldn't Say to Your Child

Parenting

Raising a child puts parents in complex situations and presents them with many challenges. Nowadays there is a greater awareness of the importance of interpersonal communication within the family unit. It often feels many of the old barriers between parents and their offspring have been torn down, especially when compared to the previous generation.
The tone parents use with their kids, as well as what they say requires ongoing sensitivity and awareness. There are times when you think that what you tell your child is exactly what they need to hear, but end up causing damage rather than encouraging them. The following are the ten most commonly used sentences parents say to their kids but shouldn’t. 

1. “Hurry up!”
Your son finally learned to tie his shoelaces on his own, but it takes a very long time, your daughter is playing with her breakfast instead of eating it, and both of them are going to be late for school. Being a good parent, you want to make sure they’re not late for school, so you blurt out a “hurry up!”. Instead of getting them to speed up, you’re actually causing them stress. Soften your tone and say “let’s hurry” instead. This tells your child that you’re on the same team rather than making them feel you’re blaming them. An even better option would be to turn it into a game (“Let’s see who finishes their breakfast fastest!”).
2. “You’re okay.”
When your child is in distress and crying, your parental instinct will tell you to reassure them by telling them that it’s okay. The only problem is, that when you tell them they’re okay, the message they get is that you are ignoring their distress. The reason your kid is crying is because they are not ok. What you should do instead is give them a hug and acknowledge their situation (“That was a scary moment”), and then ask them if they want a kiss or a Band-Aid to make it better.
Parenting

3. “Practice makes perfect.”
The core of the saying is true – the more time you devote to learning a skill, the better you will become at it. However, the message your child is hearing is “what you’re doing is not perfect”. It puts pressure on your child to excel out of fear of disappointing you. Children beat themselves up feeling they keep practicing, yet they’re still not good enough. The way to encourage your child to improve is by showing them how great improving feels, giving them a sense of pride in their own advancement.
4. “I’m on a diet.”
It’s great to stay healthy, but your kid doesn’t need to hear about it. Whether you’re checking your weight every day, calling yourself “fat” or repeating the “I’m on a diet” mantra – your child hears it, and it may lead to them developing an unhealthy body image. You can lead by example and say “I’m eating healthy because I how it feels” or “It’s a lovely day, I think I’ll go for a run.” Using this type of phrasing will encourage your child to join you in a positive way.
5. “Great job.”
You may think that using such generic affirmation phrases helps build your child’s confidence, but research has shown that it actually makes them dependent on your affirmation instead of their own motivation. Congratulate your kid when they earned it and be more specific (“You were really good at sharing today” or “Nice pass, I how you looked for your teammates”).

6. “Let me help.”
How many times have you seen your kid struggling with a task or a game and rushed to their aid? Even though the intention is good, doing it too soon can undermine your child’s independence and cause them to always look at others for answers. Your best way to help them is to ask guiding questions such as “Do you think that piece should go there? Why do you think that? Okay, let’s try it.”
7. “We can’t afford that.”
Every parent had to endure their child begging for something at the store, and often the easiest way out is to state money trouble. The only problem is that your child interprets that as you not being responsible, or that the family unit is in financial danger, which leads to stress. It will also cause anger if you then buy something expensive for the house, making them feel their needs are unimportant to you. You can tell them that you won’t buy them the toy or candy that they want because you’re “saving money for more important things”. If your child persists in the matter, it can be a great doorway into a conversation about finance and saving.
8. “No dessert until you finish your meal.”
This phrase teaches the kid the value of the dessert rather than the meal. It makes the child want the dessert more and feel the meal is nothing but an obstruction. The correct phrasing is similar but subtly different: “First we eat our meal, then we eat the dessert”. It may sound the same, but it doesn’t make the meal feel punishment, but rather a natural step.

9. “Don’t talk to strangers.”
While this is sound advice, it’s difficult for a young child to understand. Children associate “stranger” with a scary or unpleasant person, and might be encouraged to talk to someone who is nice to them. You may also drive your kid away from policemen and other civil servants they don’t know who may be able to help them. Add to that the fact that many child abductions occur by someone the child has previously known, and you have a rule of thumb that isn’t effective. The correct way to protect them, is to ask them “What do you do if a person you don’t know offers you candy and a ride home?” and let them explain to you the proper course of action and correct them if needed. It is also recommended to repeat this safety mantra: “If anyone makes you feel scared, confused, or sad, you need to tell me straight away.”
10. “Be careful.”
Using this phrase when you see your child doing something potentially dangerous can distract them and actively cause an accident. The correct course of action is to move quietly and calmly closer to them while keeping an eye on what they’re doing.