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Guidelines for Dealing with an ANGRY Child

- on 7/31/2012 01:35:00 PM - No comments

Article by Leah Davies, M.Ed

AVOID

1. Screaming at the child.

2. Embarrassing the child.

3. Shaming the child.

4. Labeling the child.

5. Threatening the child.

6. Hitting the child.

7. Hurting the child in any way.

8. Indulging the child.

9. Reinforcing inappropriate behavior by giving in to his/her outbursts.

1- Accept the child as a valuable human being.

2- Accentuate his/her strengths.

3- Acknowledge appropriate behavior.

4- Provide a safe, respectful environment with clear limits.

5- Follow through with meaningful consequences for aggressive acts.

6- Provide a predictable day with opportunities for the child to make choices.

7- Model kindness, fairness, firmness, and consistency.

8- Watch the child carefully noting the antecedents to hostile behavior.

9- Anticipate angry outbursts and arrange activities to reduce them.

10- Understand that anger is often a reaction to feeling misunderstood, unloved, hurt or afraid.

11- Assist the child in learning and using a vocabulary of feeling words.

12- Listen and mirror the feelings he/she expresses.

13- Facilitate communication between the child and others.

14- Teach the child that anger is a natural emotion that everyone has.

15- Help the child understand that it is okay to feel angry, but that it is not okay to hurt others.

16- Provide a safe place for the child to calm him/herself.

17- Teach the child ways to cope with angry impulses: stop and think, problem solve, sit alone, breathe deeply, tense body and relax, use play dough, count, draw, exercise, rest or read.

18- Help the child meet his/her psychological needs: to feel loved, accepted, secure, recognized, and a part of a group

http://www.kellybear.com/ParentTips/ParentTip6.html

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

Managing Sorrow

- on 7/31/2012 12:43:00 PM - No comments

This is a brilliant article on Sorrow. The whole idea is not to give and take sorrow. Worth reading indeed.

How many of us take and give sorrow without even knowing it? We may easily understand when we give sorrow, but do we realise we are also taking the sorrow by getting upset or disheartened or complaining about trivial matters. Do we understand that in any situation we have a choice as to the feelings we create and so sorrow is not forced onto us, it is something we choose to indulge in. Sorrow is anything that causes discomfort – it is a suffering on an emotional level; quite different from pain which is a physical state. What we call emotional pain is in fact us taking sorrow from the situation. It's not real; it's a creation of our own mind. For example, a patient could be in pain and bearing it with fortitude and yet not experiencing sorrow. Some people on a spiritual path have learnt the art of remaining in happiness even though they may be in physical pain. How is it possible you may ask! Pain is a message from the body that comes to tell you there is something you need to change. For example, eating too much chili food can cause ulcers; sitting too much may cause back pain; worrying too much can cause headaches etc! Thus a physical cause, results in a physical reaction. But on the other hand to take sorrow, and then to suffer emotionally is our choice; a choice we make with our mind and intellect.

Sorrow is the outcome of our interpretation of events. For example, we didn't pass the job interview and we got disheartened. Our loved one didn't call us (within 24hrs) and we think they don't love us anymore. We weren't invited to a meeting or a party and we sulk. Events are just events, they do not conspire against us, but sometimes we just put our own spin on them. Sometimes, life just happens that way. Maybe we had a great CV and they admired us, but we were just not the right person for that job (in which case would we really be happy in a job that was not a good fit for us!?). Perhaps our loved one was just pure busy and caught up, they had no intention to hurt us through their silence. Perhaps the others thought of our best interests and knew the meeting would be a waste of our time and therefore didn't invite us! We take a lot of sorrow from these situations when we take them personally. In fact we are projecting our needs into the situation or the person. We all want to be wanted, loved and well thought of at all times, and if there seems to be a threat against this cherished notion, sorrow and sadness kick in as our defense mechanism. This closes up our heart and once our heart is closed we can no longer flow with love, good wishes and blessings.

We may believe that we are punishing the other party and denying them of our love, kindness and inner beauty, but in actuality we are hurting ourselves more. It is the block in our heart that is causing us the grief, not them! In that moment, we do not act from our higher self, only the lower self, which is needy and greedy. Our higher self gives without wanting a return and our heart flows easily and constantly. When we give sorrow to others we are creating karma for ourselves. And intense karma of this kind never rewards us with happiness, only further sorrow.

There are many ways in which we give subtle sorrow. Here are a couple of examples. For example, I may have wealth and that is my good fortune but to flaunt it in front of a person who has nothing, that is intentionally creating sorrow. On the other side, if I envy someone because they have the latest gizmos (and remember… because of their good fortune) then that is my problem! Instead of taking sorrow from everything let me see what I do have and take happiness from that. Never judge a book by its cover. Also by looking at the defects and faults of others, I am giving sorrow; in that moment, I am not uplifting the other. In spiritual language, I am only 'kicking' the other person more. They have 'fallen' because of their shortcoming and yet I am making them weaker by focusing on their imperfections. I have to build such immunity to the sorrow that not only am I able to tolerate the sorrow, but turn it around to my favour. If I have the strength of virtues; contentment, self respect and self worth to name a few, then I have a higher threshold or immunity to sorrow and suffering in my life. I am then able to deflect the criticisms of others, rather than immediately having feelings of hurt, rejection or self-pity. Lastly I create more sorrow from the sorrow by exaggerating the situation and enlarging it with my waste thoughts. Learn to give others the benefit of the doubt. Remain positive as much as you can; there is always benefit behind everything, even if you cant see it just yet! It's Time… to stop giving and taking sorrow and to use spiritual wisdom to take the best from the situation. Sorrow is created as the result of my own thinking and so choose to have self-respect and a heart that is flowing. Don't take things too personally. See things more clearly, without the clouds of emotion, and you will be able to respond appropriately. Then you will see that a life of happiness is possible… always!

source: unknown

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

The Image We Project

- on 7/31/2012 12:38:00 PM - No comments

Often we project an image of ourselves that we want the world to see. And at the same time, we unconsciously project an image of who we really are. The result is a blurry image; two versions superimposed upon each other that just confuses people as they can't quite make out who we really are. If you would like your image to be seen clearly, be the same inside and out.

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

10 Ways You Should Not Describe Yourself

in ListPost - on 7/30/2012 10:30:00 AM - No comments

Picture this: You meet someone new. "What do you do?" he asks.
"I'm an architect," you say.
"Oh, really?" he answers. "Have you designed any buildings I've seen?"
"Maybe," you reply. "We did the new library at the university..."
"Oh wow," he says. "I've seen it. That's a beautiful building..."
And you're off. Maybe he's a potential client, maybe not... but either way you've made a great impression.
You sound awesome.
Now picture this: You meet someone new. "What do you do?" he asks.
"I'm a passionate, innovative, dynamic provider of architectural services who uses a collaborative approach to create and deliver outstanding customer experiences."
And he's off, never to be seen again... because you sound like a pompous ass.
Do you--whether on your website, or more likely on social media accounts--describe yourself differently than you do in person?
Do you use hacky clichés and overblown superlatives and breathless adjectives?
Do you write things about yourself you would never have the nerve to actually say?
If so, it's time for a change.
Here are some words that are great when used by other people to describe you, but you should never use to describe yourself:
"Motivated."
Check out Chris Rock's response (not safe for work or the politically correct) to people who say they take care of their kids. Then substitute the word "motivated." Never take credit for things you are supposed to do--or be.
"Authority."
If you have to say you're an authority, you aren't. Show your expertise instead. "Presenter at SXSW" or "Delivered TED Talk at Long Beach 2010" indicates a level of authority. Unless you can prove it, "social media marketing authority" just means you spend a ton of time on Twitter.
"Global provider."
The vast majority of businesses can sell goods or services worldwide; the ones that can't--like restaurants--are obvious. (See?) Only use "global provider" if that capability is not assumed or obvious; otherwise you just sound like a really small company trying to appear really big.
"Innovative."
Most companies claim to be innovative. Most people claim to be innovative. Most are not. (I'm not.) That's okay, because innovation isn't a requirement for success.
If you are innovative, don't say it. Prove it. Describe the products you've developed. Describe the processes you've modified. Give us something real so your innovation is unspoken but evident... which is always the best kind of evident to be.
"Creative."
See particular words often enough and they no longer make an impact. "Creative" is one of them. (Go to LinkedIn and check out some profiles; "creative" will appear in the majority.)
"Creative" is just one example. Others include extensive, effective, proven, dynamic, influential, team player, collaborative... some of those terms truly may describe you, but since they're also being used to describe everyone else they've lost their impact.
"Curator."
Museums have curators. Libraries have curators. Tweeting links to stuff you find interesting doesn't make you a curator... or an authority or a guru.
"Passionate."
Say you're incredibly passionate about incorporating an elegant design aesthetic in everyday objects and--to me at least--you sound a little scary. Same if you're passionate about developing long-term customer solutions. Try focus, concentration, or specialization instead. Save the passion for your loved one.
"Unique."
Fingerprints are unique. Snowflakes are unique. You are unique--but your business probably isn't. Don't pretend to be, because customers don't care about unique; they care about "better." Show how you're better than the competition and in the minds of customers you will be unique.
"Guru."
People who try to be clever for the sake of being clever are anything but. Don't be a self-proclaimed ninja, sage, connoisseur, guerilla, wonk, egghead... it's awesome when your customers affectionately describe you in that way, but when you do it it's apparent you're trying way too hard.
"Incredibly..."
Check out some random bios and you'll find plenty of further-modified descriptors: "Incredibly passionate," "profoundly insightful," "extremely captivating..." isn't it enough to be insightful or captivating? Do you have to be incredibly passionate?
If you must use over-the-top adjectives to describe yourself, at least spare us the further modification. Trust us; we already get it
-- http://www.inc.com/jeff-haden/10-ways-you-should-never-describe-yourself.html?nav=pop

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

Success advice: Avoid Instant Decisions

- on 7/30/2012 09:11:00 AM - No comments

Don't Make Quick Decisions.
When things in your plan need to change, unless necessary, do not make quick decisions. Just as it took time to plan in the beginning, it will take time to change. You want to make sure you are making the right decisions when changes come up. Do your research just as you did in the beginning and then make educated choices.

M Junaid Tahir

Read my Blog : http://paradigmwisdom.blogspot.com/

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Management Tip: Change resistors

in management - on 7/30/2012 09:10:00 AM - No comments

Don't Dismiss Critics of Change Not everyone will be excited about change. People who resist are often perceived as inflexible obstacles to overcome . But don't think of them simply as barriers to success. While some people do undermine change efforts, it is shortsighted to think everyone will, or even want to. Try to understand why people are resistant. Ask what they are concerned about and listen to their criticism. Doing so may uncover valid concerns that need to be addressed. Put everyone's perspectives to use and make resisters a part of the solution
Today's Management Tip was adapted from the Harvard ManageMentor Online Module: Change Management.