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How to Build Trust to empower relations

During my recent training on Management, the course of discussion slightly moved to the subject of Building Trust. Our trainer (my mentor as well) draw our attention to some important aspects of building trust. Since the idea of writing this article was originated during the training so I dedicate this article to my teacher, Georgie Collis, as she sowed the seed in my brain to produce this article.

So, before we go in to the details on how to develop trust, let us understand what Trust is.
Trust is the permanent certainty and confident expectation from someone for something. Lack of trust might lead to shattered relations so Trust is the most critical ingredient for strong relationship; the relation which can either be between Husband-Wife, Boss-Employee, Father-Son, Brother-Sister, supplier-customer and so on.

Here are some recommended behaviours which you need to demonstrate in order to develop trust:
1-    Being Responsible: ensure you are performing your day-to-day responsibilities and meeting the short-term and long term expectations by your dependants.
2-   Listen: Listen, Listen, Listen. God has given you two ears and one tongue so you listen more and speak less. Effective Listening is a skill; develop this habit. Google it today and learn.
3-   Being Truthful: Be honest and fair. Don't deceive someone. Remember the fact that building trust is tough but it takes seconds to have scratches-in-the-jewel which usually is very hard to recover.
4-   Keeping Promise: your promise is your commitment with someone to do something, so don't break at any cost. In case you couldn't meet your promise, there is always a door for dialogue for re-consideration of things. In case of dialogues be fair, be truthful and be open. Confess the short comings on your end.
5-   Consistent behaviour: the ever changing attitude is an indication of your non-predictive personality which is an anti-trust drive. So be consistent in what you speak and what you do.  
6-   Apologizing behaviour: Sorry is the best medicine in healing relationship complications. In fact, Sorry and Thanks are the two golden words which my Kindergarten going son has refreshed for me. Use them often and you will see massive improvements in your daily life.
What are your suggestions to develop Trust?

Article Reference: 0014-mjunaidtahir-paradigmwisdom-19Feb12-How to Build Trust to empower relations

M Junaid Tahir

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Five Tips to Motivate Employees

While expecting employees to perform at a high level is definitely not an unreasonable expectation, it still is not always going to be the case in mostbusinesses. There are a number of cases where employees let up in their job performance a bit or other circumstances arise that make the level of productivity tail off some. During these and other times, often what is missing is proper motivation. Here are five tips designed to motivate employees to continue performing at the level they are expected to.
Positive Attitude

Employees who regularly work in a workplace that either has an overall negative attitude or for a manager that has a negative attitude will at some point let it affect their job performance. A manager canmotivate the employeesbeneath them very efficiently by simply instituting a positive attitude in the workplace and also exhibiting that positive attitude regularly. Employees naturally want to work in a workplace with a positive attitude.

In the same department as positive attitude, getting the proper encouragement from a manager or supervisor is necessary for some employees to operate at a high level. Many times employees who are merely informed of their job responsibilities and then are given no feedback until a project is complete feel that they are not given enough encouragement along the way. While it may not be a necessity, if a few simple words can make an office or workplace more productive, then it is definitely something that should be done.

Listening Skills
One of the easiest ways for a manager to motivate their employees is to simply improve and utilize their listening skills. When an employee feels like their thoughts and ideas are being listened to, they will feel they are more apart of a project or overall business process and work harder. An employee who knows that their views are valued and sought out is a more motivated employee as they know they have another avenue for impressing their manager and possibly influencing the career path.

Utilize Everyone
Another easy way for a manager or business owner to motivate employees is to make sure that everyone is utilized to their fullest abilities. When one or two employees are not brought in on a project or process, they feel like they are not valued as highly and this may demotivate them in terms of how much effort they put into the projects or responsibilities they do have. By utilizing everyone, a manager not only motivates their employees by showing they are all valued to some degree, but he also maximizes the work output by having everyone possible involved in some way or another.

When Possible, Provide Incentives
Though it may not always be possible, and it may not be feasible on every project, it can sometimes pay off to have incentives that an employee can take advantage of if a certain amount of work is done or a certain level is accomplished. Incentives can be anything from a higher commission and cash bonuses to something smaller like a catered lunch for the employees or even a gift card to a local restaurant. Incentives can sometimes be announced ahead of time and can also be presented to the employees afterwards as a thank you for their hard work. Presenting incentives as a thank you actually has the effect of motivating employees towards the next project or process.
While motivating employees is not always easy, it is a very useful thing to do when done right. There are a number of reasons why an employee or even an entire department may need to be motivated from time to time. They could be feeling overworked, they could have recently undergone personnel changes or questionable disciplinary actions, or they could just be suffering from burnout. Motivating these employees in a realistic and acceptable way is a great way that a manager can improve the productivity of their department and each employee in particular.

9 Attributes Of The Best Entrepreneurial Leaders

Creating and building a business is not a one-man show. It requires a team effort, or at least the ability to build trust and confidence among key players, and effectively communicate with partners, team members, investors, vendors, and customers. These actions are the hallmark of an effective leader.
Behind the actions are a set of principles and characteristics that entrepreneurial leaders, like Bill Gates and Steve Jobs, seem to have in common. Look for these and nurture them in your own context to improve the odds of success for your own startup:
  1. Clarity of vision and expectations. You must be able and willing to communicate to everyone your vision, goals, and objectives. Just as importantly, you have to be absolutely clear about who you are, what you stand for, and what you expect from everyone around you. People won't follow you if they are in the dark or confused.
  2. Willingness to make decisions. It is often said that making any decision is better than making no decision. Even better than "any decision" is a good decision made quickly. Business decisions always involve risk, at times a great deal of it. Smart entrepreneurs always balance the risk with facts, when they have them, rather than their gut.
  3. Experience and knowledge in your business area. Effective leaders set a personal standard of competence for every person and function in the startup. It must be clear that you have the knowledge, insight, and skill to make your new company better than your very best competitor.
  4. Commitment and conviction for the venture. This commitment must be passionate enough to motivate and inspire people to do their best work, and put their heart into the effort. Behind the passion must be a business model that makes sense in today's world, and a determination to keep going despite setbacks.
  5. Open to new ideas and creativity. In business, this means spending time and resources on new ideas, as well as encouraging people to find faster, better, cheaper, and easier ways to produce results, beat competition, and improve customer service. Be a role model and guide others to excel.
  6. Courage to acknowledge and attack constraints. An effective leader is willing and able to allocate resources to remove obstacles to the success of the startup, as well as removing constraints on individuals on the team. It is believing that where there is the will, there will be a way.
  7. Reward continuous learning. You have to encourage everyone to learn and grow as a normal and natural part of business. That means no punishment for failures, and positive opportunities for training and advancement. Personally, it means upgrading your own skills, listening, and reading about new developments and approaches.
  8. Self-discipline for consistency and reliability. An effective leader is totally predictable, calm, positive, and confident, even under pressure. People like to follow someone when they don't have to "walk on eggshells" to avoid angry outbursts, or assume daily changes in direction.
  9. Accept responsibility for all actions. Everyone and every company makes mistakes. Good entrepreneurs don't want to be seen as perfect, and they have to be seen as willing to accept the fact that "the buck stops here." No excuses, or putting the blame on the economy, competitors, or team members.
The good news is that all of these principles of leadership are learnable. The bad news is that it's not easy. Don't assume that success as an entrepreneur is only about great presentations, killing competitors, or having insanely great ideas. It's really more about leadership, understanding the needs of your prospective clients, and communicating your solutions with clarity.


6 Types of People Build Your Mental Toughness

As the saying goes, "It gets lonely at the top."   There are many reasons that one feels isolated and at times lonely when they have reached the pinnacle of success.    For one thing, everyone wants to be your friend; but since you can't make time for everyone – only a select few get invited into the circle.   What's my point?  Accepting success and failure once you have reached the highest levels of success requires the same mental toughness it took to get there.   As has been proven throughout history, the higher you climb the more quickly the naysayers want to bring you back down.   Envy and adversity become the most common invaders you must manage – and all the while you need to remain  mentally tough,  and not allow the noise to cloud your mind and control your actions.
Mental toughness defines the leadership game.    You need wide-angle vision to continuously navigate the terrain that awaits you with each big decision you make and vision you cast.   The tension points of leadership can be extremely exhausting and pressure-packed.   Nevertheless, the leadership journey must continue and your demeanor must appear unfazed as if it were business as usual.
Mental toughness is acquired over time.   To be mentality tough means that risk is your best friend, that innovation comes second nature and that you have grown accustomed to anticipating crisis and managing change.   Mental toughness is also a by-product of experiencing failure and knowing how to rebound.    As Rick Newman noted in his book, Rebounders, "Setbacks can be a secret weapon. They often teach vital things you'll never learn in school, on the job or from others."
As I have learned from my own experiences, mental toughness begins when you can separate your emotions and remain focused on what matters most.  And this is never more true than when you are being ambushed by one of the following six negative members of your audience:
1.       The Doubters
These are the skeptics who want you to fail and believe your ideas have no merit.  They are the pessimistic ones waiting on the sidelines – wanting things to go wrong and salivating to witness your hardship.
2.       The Leeches
These are the people who lack creativity and originality.  Leeches will stay close to your every move just  so they can steal your ideas.   They enjoy asking you lots of questions and are aggressive in requesting one-on-one time to pick your brain for wisdom that they can use for their own personal benefit.    The sibling  of the leech is the loafer, and you can learn more about both types here.
3.       The Critics
These are the people who are always finding ways to disrupt your confidence by telling you that your vision is wrong.  They are quick to inform you that your knowledge of the marketplace is not realistic as they attempt to throw your thinking off kilter.   The critics are a legitimate challenge because they possess valid insights of the landscape you are competing in – yet they lack the hands-on battle wounds to justify their criticisms.   They are the prototypical "know-it-alls" who believe that they are always right and that their "written credentials"  allow them to have a voice in the matter.
4.       The Envious
These are the people who wish they had your courage, but instead waste their energy by poking fun at your efforts to create impact.    Envious people make your job more difficult as they attempt to slow down your execution by trying to convince themselves and others that your work isn't important.   Most envious people are those  who wish they were more like you, and thus remain bitter because they don't trust themselves enough to be unique in their own ways. Because we live in a dog-eat-dog world, envious people would rather find joy in making your life difficult rather than using their valuable time to make a difference in the world.   Read more about how envy destroys careers here.
5.       The Victims
Victims believe they haven't had a good break in life and thus feel that something is owed to them for their misfortune.  They would rather spend their time trying to make you feel sorry for them.  They are quick to ask for favors, but slow to reciprocate.   They are the manipulators and want others to feel their pain – though they are rarely motivated to take initiative. 
Move up t Move down
6.       The Noise
These are the voices that are drowning in mass confusion and just want to be heard.   They are loud and obnoxious and crave attention.   Unlike the victims, they have no real ambition and live with no purpose
Leadership is a journey of mental toughness.  Without it, you can't effectively think, act and innovate.  You can't motivate or inspire the best in others.   If you can't handle the aforementioned six types of people, you should think carefully if you are ready to assume a leadership role.  It's a mandatory responsibility that is not outlined in the job description

7 Ways to Make a Good Impressions -- Career Tips


Impressions are important: They leave an initial taste in people's mouths that can remain prevalent for the entire relationship. If you are paranoid about what kind of impression you make, run through these seven list items and see if you are consistent with them; if you are, then you will probably expose the best of yourself. If not, then work to meet these standards.

1. Dress: The absolute first impression you will make on someone will be through your clothing, because that is what is seen from a distance, and cannot change throughout your meeting. Make sure to dress according to the situation-don' t over or under dress-and maintain within the limits of good taste. If you aren't sure if what you're wearing looks good, ask people for an honest opinion. One last thought: always, and I mean always, pull up your pants
2. Hygiene: Take a shower! Brush your teeth! You must be fully bathed and groomed before you meet with someone for the first time, because scruffy looking people generally don't seem as neat and mature. Pay attention to the little elements like breath: keep a pack of mint gum with you wherever you go, and periodically check to make sure you aren't killing bugs every time you breathe out. If you sweat heavily, keep a small stick of deodorant/anti- perspirant close, and if you notice you're stinking you can freshen up. People notice the minutiae!
3. Manners: At the table and with other people be civilized, polite and respectful: keep your elbows off of the table, open doors for people and address everyone-initially, at least-by their formal title. This will make an especially good impression on senior citizens, because you will prove that you aren't one of those "new fangled punks."
4. Speech: Have clean, clear diction and speak sans "like" or "you know." It is important to be articulate because that inspires a feeling of intelligence and education in the person you are meeting with. Always leave out profanity, and whatever you do, make sure to speak loud enough for all to hear, because conversationalists are easily agitated if you force them say "excuse me?" more than a few times.
5. Discretion: Choose what to share about yourself: forget to tell everyone about that time you went camping and ruptured your appendix, then fell face first into a pile of bug infested leaves-it is rude and will alienate you from the group. Try to withhold from conversations on personal subjects like religion or more disgusting topics like personal medical care. Before you speak, think about the possible impact of what you might say, then imagine its implications in the long run.
6. Humor: Humor can be your most powerful tool or your doom, because everyone has a slightly different sense of humor. What might be hilarious to you might seem disgusting to another, or vice versa. Try to withhold from any jokes that aren't family or dinner table friendly; you can tell those later.
7. Start and End with a Bang: Whoever you are meeting with will remember how you greet them, and then in what manner you left them. If you feel you have trouble with this, practice a few different phrases in the mirror, and introduce elements like: "pleased to meet you," or "honored to make your acquaintance. " Ignore the antiquity of these phrases; it often makes them more memorable.
Making a good impression will set any relationship off on a good foot. If you are in a situation where you need to be judged at face value-such as a job interview or date-then make sure to go through this list and make sure you are within bounds of reason and good taste on all of your decisions


6 Serious Medical Symptoms You Shouldn't Ignore:

Some  medical symptoms are warnings that you need immediate care. Learn to recognize these six.

By Katherine Kam
WebMD Feature
That new symptom is troubling: the inexplicable swelling in your calf or the blood in your urine. Could it be serious or even life-threatening?
"Your body flashes signals -- symptoms and signs -- that warn you of potential problems," say Neil Shulman, MD, Jack Birge, MD, and Joon Ahn, MD. The three Georgia-based doctors are the authors of the recently revised book Your Body's Red Light Warning Signals.
Fortunately, many symptoms turn out not to be serious. For example, the majority of headaches stem from stress, eyestrain, lack of sleep, dehydration, caffeine withdrawal, and other mundane causes.
But a sudden, agonizing "thunderclap" headache -- the worst of your life -- could mean bleeding in the brain. Being able to recognize this serious symptom and calling 911 may save your life.
Here are six important flashing signals:
1. Paralysis of the arms or legs, tingling, numbness, confusion, dizziness, double vision, slurred speech, trouble finding words, or weakness, especially on one side of the face or body.
These are signs of stroke -- or a "brain attack" -- in which arteries that supply oxygen to the brain become blocked or rupture, causing brain tissue to die.
Symptoms depend on which area of the brain is involved. If a large blood vessel is blocked, a wide area may be affected, so a person may have paralysis on one side of the body and lose other functions, such as speech and understanding. If a smaller vessel is blocked, paralysis may remain limited to an arm or leg.
If you have symptoms, call 911 right away and get to an emergency room that offers clot-busting therapy for strokes due to blocked vessels. Such treatment, which dissolves clots in blocked vessels, needs to be given within the first three hours after symptoms begin, but newer treatments may work within a longer time frame, says Birge, who is medical director at the Tanner Medical Center in Carrollton, Ga.
Timing is urgent; fast treatment can potentially stop brain tissue death before permanent brain injury happens. "There is a time clock ticking as to when you might totally recover," Birge tells WebMD.
2. Chest pain or discomfort; pain in the arm, jaw, or neck; breaking out in a cold sweat; extreme weakness; nausea; vomiting; feeling faint; or being short of breath.
These are signs of heart attack. If you get some of these symptoms, call 911 immediately and go to the emergency room by ambulance. Shulman and Birge also recommend that patients chew one regular, full-strength aspirin (unless they're allergic to aspirin) to help prevent damage to the heart muscle during a heart attack.
Not everyone who has a heart attack feels chest pain or pressure or a sense of indigestion. Some people, especially women, the elderly, and people with diabetes, get "painless" heart attacks, the doctors say. Being aware of "painless" heart attack signs is crucial: a very weak feeling, sudden dizziness, a pounding heart, shortness of breath, heavy sweating, a feeling of impending doom, nausea, and vomiting.
Both doctors say that it's important to learn heart attack signs and understand them in context. "Everybody has jaw pain. You don't immediately run and say, 'I've got a heart attack,'" Shulman tells WebMD. He is an associate professor of internal medicine at Emory University School of Medicine in Atlanta. "But if you're also sweating and you have some of these other symptoms -- shortness of breath and so forth -- then that's going to tip you off that there's something much more serious happening."
3. Tenderness and pain in the back of your lower leg, chest pain, shortness of breath, or coughing up blood.
These are symptoms of a potentially dangerous blood clot in your leg, especially if they come after you've been sitting for a long time, such as on an airplane or during a long car trip. These signs can also surface if you've been bedridden after surgery.
"Anybody is susceptible, " Birge says. He adds that such blood clots are more common than most people and doctors realize.
Blood is more likely to pool in your legs when you're sitting or lying down for long periods of time, as opposed to standing and walking. If a blood clot forms in your leg as a result, your calf can feel swollen, painful, and tender to the touch; you should be evaluated. If you get sudden chest pain or shortness of breath, a piece of the blood clot may have broken off and traveled through the bloodstream to your lungs. This condition can be life-threatening, so get to an emergency room without delay.
4. Blood in the urine without accompanying pain.
Anytime you see blood in your urine, call your doctor promptly, even if you have no pain.
Kidney stones or a bladder or prostate infection are common causes of blood in the urine. But these problems are usually painful or uncomfortable, which sends people to the doctor promptly.
In contrast, when people see blood in their urine but feel no pain, some take a "wait and see" approach, especially if they just have one episode. "But you can't have this attitude," Shulman says. Lack of pain doesn't necessarily mean lack of seriousness.
Cancer of the kidney, ureter, bladder, or prostate can cause bleeding into the urinary tract; when these cancers are small enough to be curable, they may not cause pain. So don't dismiss this important sign because, according to Shulman and Birge, "blood in the urine may be the only clue for an early diagnosis."
5. Asthma symptoms that don't improve or get worse.
Asthma attacks are marked by wheezing or difficulty breathing. When an attack doesn't improve or worsens, a patient should get emergency care.
If an asthma attack is left untreated, it can lead to severe chest muscle fatigue and death, say Shulman and Birge. Some people with persistent asthma hesitate to go to the emergency room because they've gone so many times before, or they need someone to drive them because they're too short of breath. So instead of seeking care, "They try to hang in there," Birge says, even if they need higher doses of inhalants or have decreasing lung function measurements when using a device to measure how well they move air out of their lungs.
Because asthma makes breathing difficult, the muscles for breathing may tire and the volume of air exchanged by the lungs will decrease. As a result, a person's oxygen level drops while blood levels of carbon dioxide rise. As Birge and Shulman explain in their book, "A carbon dioxide buildup in the blood has a sedating effect on the brain, which may cause you to feel even drowsier. You may lose the motivation or energy to breathe."
"A person with asthma who seems to be relaxing more, who seems to not be struggling for breath anymore -- even though they've been at it for six or eight hours -- may actually be worse. It could be a sign of respiratory fatigue," Birge says. Eventually, the person could stop breathing.
"They're really in a big danger zone," Shulman adds. Patients believe they're getting better when they're actually getting worse, he says. "They become sedated and seem to be peaceful when actually, they're dying."
One of the most important considerations is how long an attack lasts, according to both doctors. "If you've been having labored respirations with the asthma not relenting after a period of several hours, even though you may be apparently doing OK, don't let it go any longer," Birge says. "Get on to the emergency room."
6. Depression and suicidal thoughts.
Few people would put up with crushing chest pain or extreme shortness of breath, but many endure depression, even though at its extreme it can be life-threatening.
"Depression can be a very, very serious problem because people can commit suicide," Shulman says. "Some people will not seek care when they are depressed because they think that they'll be perceived as being crazy or not strong or not manly, and they have to understand that there is a chemical imbalance going on in their brain. It is a disease just like any other disease."
Symptoms of depression include sadness, fatigue, apathy, anxiety, changes in sleep habits, and loss of appetite. Depression can be treated with medications and psychotherapy.
If you have suicidal thoughts, you can speak to someone right away by calling national phone numbers such as 1-800-273-TALK or 1-800-SUICIDE.

Speak Up When You Think Something Is Wrong

Doctors are human: They can miss important diagnoses, including heart attacks. A patient's awareness and vigilance can make a difference, Shulman says.
"My feeling is, as a doctor, I want a patient who's informed. I'd rather have a patient who's informed, who's helping me so I won't make a mistake," Shulman says. "And I can be honest and say, 'I'm human. Don't be intimated by me because I have a white coat on. Don't be intimidated by me because I'm using big words.'"
If patients can recognize potentially serious symptoms, they'll have more power when they go to the doctor or the emergency room, he adds. "You have enough to say, 'Well, have you ruled out this problem?'

Story: The Little girl went to pharmacy

A little girl went to her bedroom and pulled
a glass jelly jar from its hiding place in the closet. 

She poured the change out on the floor and
counted it carefully. Three times even!!
The total had to be exactly perfect.
No chance here for mistakes. 

Carefully placing the coins back in the jar and
twisting on the cap, she slipped out the back door
and made her way 6 blocks to Rexall's Drug Store
with the big red Indian Chief sign above the door. 

She waited patiently for the pharmacist to give her
some attention, but he was too busy at this moment. 
Tess twisted her feet to make a scuffing noise.
She cleared her throat with the most disgusting
sound she could muster.
No good.
Finally she took a quarter from her jar and
banged it on the glass counter.
That did it! 

'And what do you want?' the pharmacist asked
in an annoyed tone of voice.
"I'm talking to my brother from Chicago
whom I haven't seen in ages," he 
said without waiting for a reply to his question. 

'Well, I want to talk to you about my brother,'
Tess answered back in the same annoyed tone.
'He's really, really sick....and I want to buy a miracle.' 

'I beg your pardon?' said the pharmacist. 

'His name is Andrew and he has something bad 
growing inside his head and my Daddy says
only a miracle can save him now.
So how much does a miracle cost?' 

'We don't sell miracles here, little girl. 
I'm sorry but I can't help you,'
the pharmacist said, softening a little... 

'Listen, I have the money to pay for it.
If it isn't enough, I will get the rest.
Just tell me how much it costs....' 

The pharmacist's brother was a well dressed man.
He stooped down and asked the little girl,
'What kind of a miracle does your brother need?' 

' I don't know,' Tess replied with her eyes welling up.
I just know he's really sick and Mommy says
he needs an operation but my Daddy can't pay for it,
so I want to use my money.' 

'How much do you have?' asked the man from Chicago. 

'One dollar and eleven cents,' Tess answered barely audible. 
'And it's all the money I have,
but I can get some more if I need to.' 

'Well, what a coincidence,' smiled the man.'
A dollar and eleven cents---the exact price of a 
miracle for little brothers.' 

He took her money in one hand and with 
the other hand he grasped her
mitten and said, 'Take me to where you live.
I want to see your brother and meet your parents.
Let's see if I have the miracle you need.' 

That well-dressed man was Dr. Carlton Armstrong,
a surgeon, specializing in neuro-surgery.
The operation was completed free of charge and it 
wasn't long until Andrew was home again and doing well. 

Mom and Dad were happily talking about
the chain of events that had led them to this place. 

'That surgery,' her Mom whispered, 'was a real miracle.
I wonder how much it would have cost?' 

Tess smiled.
She knew exactly how much a miracle cost...
one dollar and eleven the faith of a little child. 

In our lives, we never know how many miracles we will need. 

A miracle is not the suspension of natural law,
but the operation of a higher law.

I know you'll keep the ball moving! 

Here it goes. Throw it back to 
someone who means something to you! 

A ball is a beginning, no end.
It keeps us together like our Circle of Friends.
But the treasure inside for you to see
is the treasure of friendship you've granted to me.
M Junaid Tahir

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10 Rules For Peace Of Mind

1. Do Not Interfere In Others' Business Unless Asked:

Most of us create our own problems by interfering too often in others' affairs.
We do so because somehow we have convinced ourselves that our way is the best way, our logic is the perfect logic and those who do not conform to our thinking must be criticized and steered to the right direction, our direction.
This thinking denies the existence of individuality and consequently the existence of God..
God has created each one of us in a unique way.

No two human beings can think or act in exactly the same way.
All men or women act the way they do because God within them prompts them that way.
Mind your own business and you will keep your peace.

2. Forgive And Forget:
This is the most powerful aid to peace of mind.
We often develop ill feelings inside our heart for the person who insults us or harms us.
We nurture grievances.
This in turn results in loss of sleep, development of stomach ulcers, and high blood pressure.
This insult or injury was done once, but nourishing of grievance goes on forever by constantly remembering it.
Get over this bad habit.
Life is too short to waste in such trifles.
Forgive & Forget, and march on.
Love flourishes in giving and forgiving.

3. Do Not Crave For Recognition:
This world is full of selfish people.
They seldom praise anybody without selfish motives.
They may praise you today because you are in power, but no sooner than you are powerless, they will forget your achievement and will start finding faults in you.
Why do you wish to kill yourself in striving for their recognition?
Their recognition is not worth the aggravation.
Do your duties ethically and sincerely.

4. Do Not Be Jealous:
We all have experienced how jealousy can disturb our peace of mind.
You know that you work harder than your colleagues in the office, but sometimes they get promotions; you do not.
You started a business several years ago, but you are not as successful as your neighbor whose business is only one year old.
There are several examples like these in everyday life.
Should you be jealous?

5. Change Yourself According To The Environment:
If you try to change the environment single-handedly, the chances are you will fail.
Instead, change yourself to suit your environment.
As you do this, even the environment, which has been unfriendly to you, will mysteriously change and seem congenial and harmonious.

6. Endure What Cannot Be Cured:
This is the best way to turn a disadvantage into an advantage.
Every day we face numerous inconveniences, ailments, irritations, and accidents that are beyond our control.
If we cannot control them or change them, we must learn to put up with these things.
We must learn to endure them cheerfully.
Believe in yourself and you will gain in terms of patience, inner strength and will power.

7. Do Not Bite Off More Than You Can Chew:
This maxim needs to be remembered constantly.
We often tend to take more responsibilities than we are capable of carrying out.
Know your limitations. . Why take on additional loads that may create more worries?
You cannot gain peace of mind by expanding your external activities.
Reduce your material engagements and spend time in prayer, introspection and
meditation. This will reduce those thoughts in your mind that make you restless.
Uncluttered mind will produce greater peace of mind.

8. Meditate Regularly:
Meditation calms the mind and gets rid of disturbing thoughts.
This is the highest state of peace of mind.
Try and experience it yourself.
If you meditate earnestly for half an hour everyday, your mind will tend to become peaceful during the remaining twenty-three and half-hours.
Your mind will not be easily disturbed as it was before.
You would benefit by gradually increasing the period of daily meditation.
You may think that this will interfere with your daily work.
On the contrary, this will increase your efficiency and you will be able to produce better results in less time.

9. Never Leave The Mind Vacant:
An empty mind is the devil's workshop.
All evil actions start in the vacant mind.
Keep your mind occupied in something positive, something worthwhile.
Actively follow a hobby.
Do something that holds your interest.
You must decide what you value more: money or peace of mind.
Your hobby, like social work or religious work, may not always earn you more money, but you will have a sense of fulfillment and achievement.
Even when you are resting physically, occupy yourself in healthy reading or mental chanting of God's name.

10. Do Not Procrastinate And Never Regret:
Do not waste time in protracted wondering " Should I or shouldn't I?"
Days, weeks, months, and years may be wasted in that futile mental debating.
You can never plan enough because you can never anticipate all future happenings.
Value your time and do the things that need to be done

10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking

The way to overcome negative thoughts and destructive emotions is to
develop opposing, positive emotions that are stronger and more
powerful." - Dalai Lama

Life could be so much better for many people, if they would just spot
their negative thinking habits and replace them with positive ones.

Negative thinking, in all its many-splendored forms, has a way of
creeping into conversations and our thinking without our noticing
them. The key to success, in my humble opinion, is learning to spot
these thoughts and squash them like little bugs. Then replace them
with positive ones. You'll notice a huge difference in everything you

Let's take a look at 10 common ways that negative thinking emerges —
get good at spotting these patterns, and practice replacing them with
positive thinking patterns. It has made all the difference in the
world for me.

10 Deadly Sins of Negative Thinking
1. I will be happy once I have _____ (or once I earn X).
Problem: If you think you can't be happy until you reach a certain
point, or until you reach a certain income, or have a certain type of
house or car or computer setup, you'll never be happy. That elusive
goal is always just out of reach. Once we reach those goals, we are
not satisfied — we want more.

Solution: Learn to be happy with what you have, where you are, and who
you are, right at this moment. Happiness doesn't have to be some state
that we want to get to eventually — it can be found right now. Learn
to count your blessings, and see the positive in your situation. This
might sound simplistic, but it works.
2. I wish I were as ____ as (a celebrity, friend, co-worker).

Problem: We'll never be as pretty, as talented, as rich, as sculpted,
as cool, as everyone else. There will always be someone better, if you
look hard enough. Therefore, if we compare ourselves to others like
this, we will always pale, and will always fail, and will always feel
bad about ourselves. This is no way to be happy.

Solution: Stop comparing yourself to others, and look instead at
yourself — what are your strengths, your accomplishments, your
successes, however small? What do you love about yourself? Learn to
love who you are, right now, not who you want to become. There is good
in each of us, love in each of us, and a wonderful human spirit in
every one of us.

3. Seeing others becoming successful makes me jealous and resentful.
Problem: First, this assumes that only a small number of people can be
successful. In truth, many, many people can be successful — in
different ways.

Solution: Learn to admire the success of others, and learn from it,
and be happy for them, by empathizing with them and understanding what
it must be like to be them. And then turn away from them, and look at
yourself — you can be successful too, in whatever you choose to do.
And even more, you already are successful. Look not at those above you
in the social ladder, but those below you — there are always millions
of people worse off than you, people who couldn't even read this
article or afford a computer. In that light, you are a huge success.

4. I am a miserable failure — I can't seem to do anything right.
Problem: Everyone is a failure, if you look at it in certain ways.
Everyone has failed, many times, at different things. I have certainly
failed so many times I cannot count them — and I continue to fail,
daily. However, looking at your failures as failures only makes you
feel bad about yourself. By thinking in this way, we will have a
negative self-image and never move on from here.

Solution: See your successes and ignore your failures. Look back on
your life, in the last month, or year, or 5 years. And try to remember
your successes. If you have trouble with this, start documenting them
— keep a success journal, either in a notebook or online. Document
your success each day, or each week. When you look back at what you've
accomplished, over a year, you will be amazed. It's an incredibly
positive feeling.

5. I'm going to beat so-and-so no matter what — I'm better than him.
And there's no way I'll help him succeed — he might beat me.

Problem: Competitiveness assumes that there is a small amount of gold
to be had, and I need to get it before he does. It makes us into
greedy, back-stabbing, hurtful people. We try to claw our way over
people to get to success, because of our competitive feelings. For
example, if a blogger wants to have more subscribers than another
blogger, he may never link to or mention that other blogger. However,
who is to say that my subscribers can't also be yours? People can read
and subscribe to more than one blog.

Solution: Learn to see success as something that can be shared, and
learn that if we help each other out, we can each have a better chance
to be successful. Two people working towards a common goal are better
than two people trying to beat each other up to get to that goal.
There is more than enough success to go around. Learn to think in
terms of abundance rather than scarcity.

6. Dammit! Why do these bad things always happen to me?
Problem: Bad things happen to everybody. If we dwell on them, they
will frustrate us and bring us down.

Solution: See bad things as a part of the ebb and flow of life.
Suffering is a part of the human condition — but it passes. All pain
goes away, eventually. Meanwhile, don't let it hold you back. Don't
dwell on bad things, but look forward towards something good in your
future. And learn to take the bad things in stride, and learn from
them. Bad things are actually opportunities to grow and learn and get
stronger, in disguise.

7. You can't do anything right! Why can't you be like ____ ?
Problem: This can be said to your child or your subordinate or your
sibling. The problem? Comparing two people, first of all, is always a
fallacy. People are different, with different ways of doing things,
different strengths and weaknesses, different human characteristics.
If we were all the same, we'd be robots. Second, saying negative
things like this to another person never helps the situation. It might
make you feel better, and more powerful, but in truth, it hurts your
relationship, it will actually make you feel negative, and it will
certainly make the other person feel negative and more likely to
continue negative behavior. Everyone loses.

Solution: Take the mistakes or bad behavior of others as an
opportunity to teach. Show them how to do something. Second, praise
them for their positive behavior, and encourage their success. Last,
and most important, love them for who they are, and celebrate their

8. Your work sucks. It's super lame. You are a moron and I hope you
never reproduce.

Problem: I've actually gotten this comment before. It feels wonderful.
However, let's look at it not from the perspective of the person
receiving this kind of comment but from the perspective of the person
giving it. How does saying something negative like this help you? I
guess it might feel good to vent if you feel like your time has been
wasted. But really, how much of your time has been wasted? A few
minutes? And whose fault is that? The bloggers or yours? In truth,
making negative comments just keeps you in a negative mindset. It's
also not a good way to make friends.

Solution: Learn to offer constructive solutions, first of all. Instead
of telling someone their blog sucks, or that a post is lame, offer
some specific suggestions for improvement. Help them get better. If
you are going to take the time to make a comment, make it worth your
time. Second, learn to interact with people in a more positive way —
it makes others feel good and it makes you feel better about yourself.
And you can make some great friends this way. That's a good thing.

9. Insulting People Back
Problem: If someone insults you or angers you in some way, insulting
them back and continuing your anger only transfers their problem to
you. This person was probably having a bad day (or a bad year) and
took it out on you for some reason. If you reciprocate, you are now
having a bad day too. His problem has become yours. Not only that, but
the cycle of insults can get worse and worse until it results in
violence or other negative consequences — for both of you.

Solution: Let the insults or negative comments of others slide off you
like Teflon. Don't let their problem become yours. In fact, try to
understand their problem more — why would someone say something like
that? What problems are they going through? Having a little empathy
for someone not only makes you understand that their comment is not
about you, but it can make you feel and act in a positive manner
towards them — and make you feel better about yourself in the process.

10. I don't think I can do this — I don't have enough discipline.
Maybe some other time.

Problem: If you don't think you can do something, you probably won't.
Especially for the big stuff. Discipline has nothing to do with it —
motivation and focus has everything to do with it. And if you put
stuff off for "some other time", you'll never get it done. Negative
thinking like this inhibits us from accomplishing anything.

Solution: Turn your thinking around: you can do this! You don't need
discipline. Find ways to make yourself a success at your goal. If you
fail, learn from your mistakes, and try again. Instead of putting a
goal off for later, start now. And focus on one goal at a time,
putting all of your energy into it, and getting as much help from
others as you can. You can really move mountains if you start with
positive thinking.

Better Systems for Success

Success can be defined as consistently achieving desired
results over time. And it follows that success is more
likely to come from orderly, productive, and effective
In the long-run, success depends on the balance between
chaos and systems in your life. The more order, structure,
discipline and routine in your life, and the more focused
you are on your goals, the more likely you will be
successful. Chaos, on the other hand, is the enemy of
We just witnessed this in the Olympics, both with individual
competitors and in the Games themselves.
No one competes in the Olympics by accident. Olympic
athletes train and prepare every day for years. They work
with the best coaches and study the techniques of the best
competitors. They use computer animation, slow-motion
photography, and endless hours of practice to get the
smallest details just right.
During the Olympics I saw a special on the dining facilities
in the Olympic Village. Everyday, they prepared thousands of
meals precisely tailored to each athlete's specifications
Some athletes wanted more protein, some more carbs. Others
focused on specific nutrients, while others need 10,000
calories a day to stay strong! Success at the Olympic level
depends on systems to get every detail just right!
And consider the games themselves. The timing of every event
was precise, sometimes to a thousandth of a second. Wind
speed was measured for the track and field events, water
temperature carefully controlled for the swimmers.
was left to chance!
Chaos is the enemy of success.
To achieve your goals, you need systems that are as complete
and well-designed as you can make them.
Every researcher, every manufacturing process, every
successful sales presentation requires organization. Every
attorney has a strategy and a system for winning her case.
Every doctor follows a precise process to get an accurate
And yet we live in a society that values spontaneity and
impulse gratification. I suspect all human beings are drawn
to "bright shiny objects." We love the new and the novel. We
are easily distracted. As the poet wrote, "the best laid
plans of mice and men go oft astray."
Many of us actually resist self-discipline and order in our
lives. We want to adjust our schedule on a moment's notice.
There's a sense of excitement in our daily surprises. As
much as we want success, we also want to be "free" and
spontaneous, and that's wonderful. But it comes at a price.
Highly successful people develop and follow effective
. Would you want your doctor easily distracted or
trying something spontaneous in the middle of surgery? I
don't think so!
I encourage you to develop a system that works for your
personality, and in your circumstances. But, you must have
a system! It must help you focus. It must help you be clear
about your goals and consistent in your actions. It must
help you be productive and avoid mistakes.
I've studied many types of systems over the years, and I
encourage you to experiment. But you can't afford to
experiment endlessly! Don't claim you are "searching for the
best system" when in fact you are avoiding the structure and
routine of systems altogether. Find a "good enough" system
and put it to work!
If you need a more effective system, I highly recommend one
my friend and colleague, Michael Angier, has developed. It's
simple. It's powerful. And it's versatile enough to fit most
situations. He calls it "the three C's" and it revolves
around Clarity (of purpose or goals), Concentration (focused
effort), and Consistency (getting things done). It works!
If you already have a system, good! Reading and
understanding his system may strengthen the one you have.
And if you don't have an effective system, give this a try!
A financial note: I get no commission or fee of any kind if
you buy his book. Michael is a friend and I like to think
our discussions played a small role in helping him develop
the 3 C's, but I recommend it because (1) you need a system,
and (2) this one is simple enough to be useful and powerful
enough to be effective.
by Philip E. Humbert, PhD
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