​ Court Humor



ATTORNEY*: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS* : Yes.
ATTORNEY*: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS* : I forget.
ATTORNEY*: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot 

ATTORNEY*: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS* : Did you actually pass the law exam?

ATTORNEY* : The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS* : He's twenty, much like your IQ.

ATTORNEY* : Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS* : Are you serious. 

ATTORNEY*: She had three children, right?
WITNESS* : Yes.
ATTORNEY* : How many were boys?
WITNESS* : None.
ATTORNEY* : Were there any girls?
WITNESS* : Your Honour, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?

ATTORNEY* : How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS* : By death.
ATTORNEY* : And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS* : Take a guess.

ATTORNEY* : Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS* : He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY* : Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS* : Unless the Circus was in town,  I'm going with male.

ATTORNEY* : Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS :* All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.

ATTORNEY*: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS* : The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
ATTORNEY* : And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS* : If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY*: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS* : No.
ATTORNEY* : Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS* : No.
ATTORNEY* : Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS* : No.
ATTORNEY* : So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS* : No.
ATTORNEY* : How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS* : Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY* : But could the patient have still been alive? 
WITNESS*: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

These are from a book called *'Disorder in the American Courts'* and are things people *actually said* in Court, word for word, taken down and now published by Court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

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